I love Christmas! I love the sights, the sounds and the smells. I enjoy baking and December fills our home with the lovely smells of cinnamon, cookies, and breads. I love shopping, though I hate the commercialism that has invaded this holiday. I can't wait to put up my tree and set out decorations. In the beginning of our marriage I decked out the whole place. Through the years infertility has taken its toll and my anticipation of the season has waned.
I hate that infertility has robbed me of some of the enjoyment of Christmas. Yes, I know that the focus should be on Christ's birth. And I do focus on that. But Christmas is also about families. And mine is lacking. It is hard to hang just 2 stockings. There are no presents under the tree for little children, no kids desperately trying to fall asleep so that they can open presents Christmas morning. No 6 am wake-up with children jumping on our bed. No littles sitting around listening to the Christmas story. Just 2 adults sleeping in, making a big Christmas breakfast with a latte and then open gifts when we get around to it. Or we open them Christmas eve, but that is because my hubby is still a kid at heart and cannot wait.
This year is a little better as we have our upcoming FET to look forward to. But it is for this very reason that I am nervous. We will have our BETA on 12/21, just days before Christmas. This year I will either be unable to sleep from the anticipation of telling our news, or I will be unable to get out of bed to share in the festivities, too depressed to function. No, I am not planning on being depressed if it does not work, but let's be honest, the chances of me taking it well are slim to none. But until then I am going to enjoy this holiday season as much as I can. I am going to start it off right today with a trip to Starbucks on my way to the mall!! Today is Black Friday and to us shopaholics a holiday all in itself.