So what does this make me? PI or SI?

A forum friend that has a beautiful baby boy through the miracle of embryo adoption recently asked the question: Where do we fit in? Are we considered to have primary infertility? Or secondary infertility?

Primary infertility is a term used to describe a couple that has never been able to conceive a pregnancy after a minimum of 1 year of attempting to do so through unprotected intercourse.

Secondary infertility, it generally remains an unacknowledged and invisible condition. Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children.

This question gave me pause as I had no idea how to answer her. I am carrying a child, but it is not my child biologically. Since I can't conceive a biological child then maybe I am considered to still have primary infertility. But yet, I AM carrying a baby, so maybe secondary is more where my I fit in now. I guess that it really doesn't matter, it is just a title. In the end I will bring home a baby that I will love as my own. Though I will admit that embryo adoption does bring its own set of questions and emotions that many of us never realize until we are in the process.

In the beginning I was so excited to just be pregnant. And I still am. Very excited! But I was watching my 4 month old niece the other day and cracking up over her facial expressions and how she is a miniature of her father. There is not denying his paternity! Now had I not seen her head pop out of my sister's lady bits I would doubt that my sister was even related to the kid!! But this made me think about the fact that our baby will not have genetic links to us. I won't look down at our sleeping child's angelic face and see my hubby's brows or my nose. I will admit, it made me a little sad. We all want to see a part of ourselves carried on in our children.

Then I thought about the important things that we will pass on to our children. We can teach them to have compassion, laugh often, work hard and most importantly to love Jesus. These are the things that will mean something one day. Not what color eyes they have or straight or curly hair. Regardless of the genetic make up of our child we still have the opportunity of leaving behind a legacy with our child. Though I still wonder.......am I considered PI or SI????

another day, another drug

I was supposed to call my OB today for my test results from the hoo0ha swab. No need, they called me. I have a bacterial infection. The nurse said "good call" as we caught it very, very early. At least this super sonic sniffer is good for something!!! Thankfully that is all I have right now, a slight odor. I am very thankful not to have any itching or burning with it and hopefully I won't have any of that since I am being treated so quickly.

So we have added 2 antibiotics to my daily dose of meds. Bleh! The Bactrim is a horse pill and I gag each time I take it. The good thing is that I will be ending most of my other meds this week and will only have the new ones to take. I can't wait for the day when I am pill free!!!

No more PIO!!

So last week I noticed that my hips were itchy. Not too bad, but enough to irritate me at times. By Saturday I noticed that my hips were red and kind of welt-y looking and the itching was getting worse. I googled rashes and PIO (what did we do before google??) and I assumed that it was an allergic reaction to the sesame oil. So I called my OB's exchange and the on call doctor called me back. The nicest man, but I was not confident in his assurances that all was fine. I did continue my PIO injections and called my OB this morning. His nurse called back and told me to come in. ASAP. Great!!

So he examines me and is unsure if it is from the PIO or if I have a staph infection. I am to quit the PIO immediately (yay!) and switch back to the suppositories. I am on an antibiotic in case there is an infection. I have to return on Thursday for him to double check things.

This part is TMI, so please feel free to skip....
While there I had him check the hoo-ha. Since about the 3rd week of pregnancy I have had asparagus smelling urine but no other odors. Until now. I know that odors can be normal, but being that very few things seem to go right in my quest to have a baby, I am afraid that my new scent is not in the normal range. He did a culture and I will hear back about that tomorrow.

So as it stands: I have a possible allergic reaction/staph infection--treated by antibiotics--which will give me a yeast infection--while waiting to hear back if I already have an infection. And the fun never ends!!! The good news is that I now just 4 days from stopping my meds. WOOT!

It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!

The Hershey Company is out to get me. I don't know why they have it out for me, but they do. I am a chubby chick and I love me some chocolate! Since I got pregnant I have really not had an affinity for the sugary sweet goodness though. Which is good cause my doc told me to "maintain you weight". That is the last time I go to a skinny doc! The chubby ones feel too guilty over their self indulgence to reprimand me!

So anyway, I was pleased that I did not like chocolate and have avoided it for the past 8 weeks. I was feeling quite proud that though I have not lost weight I have also not gained any either. **pats self on back** But just when I feel my head expand with pride I pass my Kryptonite. Cadbury Mini Eggs. **cue the heavenly choir** Walking through Target I saw the purple bag. It beckoned to me. I didn't even see it coming, my hand just reached out and the bag floated to me. And I ate one. Or two. Okay, half the bag. And I liked them. Oh, who am I kidding. I loved them!!!

I was surprised that they were even out in stores yet. They are Easter candy and usually come out after Valentine's Day. But this year Hershey decided to bring them out early. Why??? Was it just to torment me?? My poor baby will have to go into chocolate detox after he is born!!!

I have been nominated!!

Muchas Gracias, The. Mrs. for nominating be for a blogger award! I have never received a blogger award and I am honored!

So now I must tell 7 interesting facts about myself. Hmmm...this might be hard as I am quite boring!!

1. I was a complete nerd in school. Really, I was!

2. My hubby and I got married a year to the day that we met.

3. Several years ago my hubby and I gave up our apartment and bought a motor home. We traveled together (he is an evangelist) and while driving down the road it caught fire. A week later we took a truck to salvage all of our stuff and that truck caught fire as well. Seriously, I am not making this up!!!

4. I am a member of a Christian infertility forum and I have over 15,000 posts. I like to hear myself talk! ;-)

5. I worked telemarketing for 4 months while in college and I now hate the phone. I mean really hate talking on the phone!!

6. I have a phobia of light bulbs. And bulb ornaments. I squeeze them till they break. It is a compulsion. I need therapy!

7. Ground beef gives me hiccups.

And here is who I am nominating:

1. embieadoptmom- Womb for I more

2. Marisa - Marisa's Day

3. Willow - Write, Baby, Repeat

4. Jen - Jen's Adoption Blessings

5. Rachel - Our Journey, but not our plan

6. Angie - There is Light at the End of this Tunnel

7. Fran - Everyone Else but Me

So here's what you need to do:
Thank the person who nominated you and copy the award in your blog.
Link the person who nominated you for this award.
Share seven interesting things about yourself.
Nominate seven fellow bloggers and add the links to their blogs .

why don't you just....?

"Why don't you just adopt?"

"Why don't you just do IVF?"

For years I (eleven to be exact) I have heard varying degrees of the same two comments. Always from someone that has never had to deal with infertility. Both of these comments grate on my nerves. I want to scream each and every time that I hear them. Having partially gone through both scenarios (most of the way through adoption and now FET) I have begun to hate these comments even more.

The "just adopt" one bothers me on so many levels. First, there is not "just" about it. There is nothing easy about $20,000+ in fees, home studies, physicals, and forms. After that there is the agency combing through your personal life and history, deciding whether you are parental material or not. They walk through your home, check your credit history, run a background check, and take your fingerprints. Then you wait. And you wait. After that you have the women looking for a family for their child reading your profile, judging your pictures, your fate as a mother in their hands. Once you are chosen you go through the awkwardness of meeting this woman whose child you want to take home. Your heart breaks because you know that in order for your dreams to come true, her life has to be shattered. I am 100% for adoption, but the attitude of "just adopt" is ignorant to say the least.

Now onto the "just do IVF" one. After doing a frozen embryo transfer, which is a lot of work but nowhere near what IVF is, this comment has since gone to the top of my "what I hate to hear" list. Obviously anyone that says this have never, ever done IVF. Ever! In case you are in that camp and do not know, let me shed a little light on it for you. I can only speak from my own experience which is much less than IVF. For months your life is controlled my medications and doctor appointments. You have to miss work and your entire life revolves around this procedure. There are ultrasounds, blood work and appointments. The medications are expensive!! Very expensive! And the shots are not fun. I am currently bruised from my left hip, around my stomach and onto my right hip. I have about a 4 inch space in the middle of my back that is not bruised.

To go somewhere I have to figure how long I will be gone, what meds to take with me, and where I will go to administer the shots. You can't just drop your drawers right there at the dinner table and shoot up! Well, I guess that you could, but you risk being escorted out by security! You have to reorder medications in time for them to arrive before you run out. No running to the local pharmacy for you! You have to keep track of which med on what day and which gauge needle for each medication. Your life is consumed with this! Again, there is nothing"just" about IVF/FET.

Don't get me wrong, I am exceedingly thankful for the technology that has allowed me to get pregnant with this little one. Without IVF there would be no bambino for me. Many couples would remain childless without it. But to say "just do IVF' is like saying to "just go to the moon".

10...9...8...7...6...

Because of my previous spotting my OB has been cautious and wanted me to come in today for an ultrasound. I was originally scheduled for the 11th but since I went in today I will skip that one. So anyway, I had my appointment today and my bambino is doing GREAT! It is amazing how much he has changed in less than 2 weeks! Before he was just a little blobby thing with a heartbeat. Now he has some definition. I saw his little head and his feet kicking. He was squirming around and I loved it! It did my heart good to know that he is fine. Placenta looks great and there were no bleeds. Praise the Lord!!

While there I asked my OB when I can officially stop all of my medication. I was told to stop them when my 2nd trimester starts. Well, that day varies depending on what site you look on or who you ask. So I asked the expert. He said that my last day is....drum roll please.....Feb the 12th!!!! Ten more days!!!! WOOT! I am so stinkin' excited I am can hardly stand it! Last week I ordered enough heparin and PIO to get me through. I have to order another 24 Estrace tablets and THAT IS IT! I am just giddy here! On the 13th I am going to sleep in. No alarm. No shot. Not pills. Ahh.....bliss! The official countdown begins!