As I was sitting here this morning, needle in hand, shaking like a leaf I thought that junkies were insane. How in the world can they shoot up on a regular basis? Needles are scary!! Then I realized that it was not about the needle, but about what it contained. They were driven by the drug encased within that needle, as am I. Their drug gives them a rush, a thrill. Mine will only give me mood swings and hot flashes. But the compulsion to inject it in to me is much the same.
I thought that I was ready to stick myself this morning. How hard can it be, right? Just a tiny needle. Grab, aim and stick. Easy! Not so much!!! Honestly, the stick itself was completely painless. It really was!! But the moments leading up to it were insanely nerve racking.I just sat there with holding a chunk of belly fat, talking to my dog, telling him that this was crazy. I woke the hubby up to experience it with me. I needed his moral support. After 5 minutes of pleading and crying I just did it. And then I was mad at myself for being such a baby over something so painless.
I am glad that the first shot is over. Tomorrow and the months to come will be a breeze. But if I ever decide to become a junkie I will choose a better drug of choice.