At currently 6 months pregnant you would think that the only thing on my mind would be how happy and grateful I am for this pregnancy. And the truth is I am exceedingly happy for my baby girl! But infertility has left it's indelible mark and it still hurts. Today I read on Facebook that a young woman that used to be in our youth group is pregnant. Again. Five months after giving birth to her daughter. She and her husband are in their early 20's. They are one of four having their second or third child all before the age of 25 in this particular church.
I am not old by any means, but it dawned on me that I will 38 when Maddie starts kindergarten!!! And at least 40 when a second child (God willing) starts school. Now that makes me feel OLD! And all of Maddie's classmates will have young mommies and daddies. How did this happen?? I thought that by now my youngest would be in school by now, not still baking my oldest. And what if this is my only child? I will love her to pieces but I will still be sad that we don't have any more children. It saddens me that while others pop out kids like it is the easiest thing in the world to do, we have to begin planning a year in advance so that we can find a doctor (mine retired), find embryos and save the money.
Okay, enough whining! I just needed to get that off my chest. On to happier news: I PASSED MY 3 HOUR GLUCOSE TEST!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!
Yay on the glucose test!
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally get you on feeling sad, even though you should be overjoyed to be pregnant. I think, as infertiles, we get used to that feeling and it's hard to make the jump. I know I'm guilty of it, and my husband and I "only" tried for 3 1/2 years to get pregnant with this child. I imagine that 11 years of trying would have the infertile feelings REALLY ingrained in you. (I hope that didn't come out bad, I didn't mean it to.)
I know the other day on fb, I saw a picture of a positive pregnancy test from a friend of mine who has a baby less than 3 months old. It hurt. I'm not going to lie. My mom and my husband said, "But you're pregnant, too!" They just don't seem to get that, even though I am pregnant as well, it still hurts to see people who obviously have no trouble getting that way.
I'm sorry this is so long. lol
Don't they call them Irish Twins? (Sorry to all the Irish out there) My brother and I are 11 months apart and I would so NEVER have babies that close together, or be excited about adding to the family so soon. They seriously don't know what is comming up.... two in diapers at the same time not to mention the constant whining that happens before the first baby get a hold on their language skills. Holy Moly!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way (only I'm not currently pregnant, but I do have a 26 mo old). I should be so happy to have a wonderful, healthy little girl (and I am), but there is still a big hole. I have a sister-in-law that had 4 children by the time she was my age and her oldest is graduating from high school next week! I FEEL OLD!!! And, I can't help but worry that we won't have another. I didn't even have to find a new doctor and it took over a year to finally have another transfer and by the next try in July it will have been 3 years since we had the transfer that resulted in my DD. Wow, time flies when you're trying to have a baby!
ReplyDeleteThat's so awesome you passed the 3 hour test!!! YAY!!!
Completely understand. I have a 3 year old (adopted). I've never been pregnant. No one in my family has that problem. As a matter of fact, my 19 year old niece just told us she's pregnant. So at 38 years old, I'm about to be a great-aunt. I can't help but be a little jealous and it hurts like h3ll! I don't even begin to think that i understand God's ways. Even though we do live in a 'fallen' world, this part of it will never make sense this side of Heaven (or the other side for that matter...lol)
ReplyDeleteI feel ya and in the exact same situation age wise. I never wanted to be the "old" mom. My mom was 20 when she had me and I thought that was soooo cool. Hopefully my kids will think I am cool!
ReplyDeleteGlad the glucose test went well. Just FYI, I had my little E at 40 and pray for more. I have just as much energy if not more than I did 10 years ago! We may not be the youngest Mommies at high school graduation, but we wouldn't trade it for the world would we?? : ) HUGS!!
ReplyDeleteIm sooo happy you passed your test! And soo sorry about all the rest!! Praying for ya!
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