Yes, I am a chicken. I totally chickened out yesterday at church. I did attend last night but when they asked for the mothers to stand I jut couldn't bring myself to do it. My assistant pastor in his wife, who never had children, were sitting in front of us and encouraged me to stand but I just couldn't do it. He told the usher that I was being lazy and to give me a gift. I don't know why it was so difficult for me to just stand. A friend of mine was supposed to be there and she and her husband recently found out that they have fertility issues. I was so conscious of that fact that if I stand she would be sitting in the pew....unable to stand. I just couldn't do that to her. She ended up not attending last night, but I was afraid that she would come in during the recognition that I still couldn't do it. Ahhh, the hormones!!!
Thank you all so much for you support during this! I am sorry that I was not able to take the great advice and to stand. Next year I will stand proudly and accept my place in life as a mother. But this year I am still processing the changes and learning how to be this new person.