Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Things that infertility has taught me

Infertility has, by far, been the most difficult situation that I have ever gone through. My life has not been a bed of roses, but nothing else compares to the pain of infertility. But through it all I refused to allow it win, to beat me. There were days that I was so low that I thought that I would never see daylight again, but in the end I fought my way out of the darkness. In my refusal to be beaten I have tried to learn the lessons that infertility has offered me. Though I will admit that there different ways I would have preferred to have learned these lessons, but God chose infertility. I feel that if I can learn something from it then it is not all in vain.

Here are a few things that I have learned:

* Compassion. I do not have to go through a loss of a loved one or a divorce to know that it is painful. Before infertility I did not have as much compassion, but now I do. I can empathize with those that suffer.

* Acceptance of others. Each of us have a different path in life and are in a different place. We each have to walk this path at our own pace. I may want to hurry someone along, but I cannot. All I can do is be there when they need a helping hand.

* Love. It is easy to kick someone when they are down, or to step over them. But they need someone to love them and not judge them instead.

* Support. I may have an opinion about someone's choices, but they are not mine to make. Unless someone is sinning I now support their choices and offer encouragement instead of judgement.

* To be vocal. I used to hide my pain and suffer in silence. Then one day I realized that many others suffer in silence as well. By being vocal I am able to help others as well as find support for myself.

* Patience. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn. God's timing is not my own and I hate being out of control. By letting go and letting God things have worked out so much better for me.

I am sure that there are many more lessons that I have learned, but these are the most important to me. What lessons has infertility taught you?


  1. I struggle with "to be vocal". Hopefully, I will improve on that.

  2. I actually lost patience, sympathy and compassion. And that is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. So completely different from the pre-IF girl I once was. Sometimes I miss her and the person she was before IF possessed her soul.

  3. I think I go back and forth between having more of these traits to having less of them. Perhaps by the time I get a final answer of yes or no I might be able to see which side I will fall on. :-) Congrats by the way.

  4. It's a rare gift to be able to see the better side of life's heartbreaks. Thanks so much for your list. I definitely agree! It's also helped me to realize the stores of strength and resilience that we have within us.

    ICLW #158

  5. Compassion for others for sure and patience...although patience is still a tough one I have to admit! Why should I have to wait for something that is so good and something I desire so much - to raise a child(ren) and teach them the love of Christ? He answered by saying "So my glory may be shown through you" and "So that others will come to know me through your struggle." Its hard to this day to call infertility a "blessing" but I AM so eternally THANKFUL for the lessons I've learned. Thanks for this post!!

  6. I love what Rachel wrote!
    I've learned that life doesn't always go according to our plans and that we have to trust God's plans because He sees the whole picture and knows what's best for us.
    God has a much better plan for my husband and I as far as establishing our family and I'm so excited to be on this journey!

  7. That's a very lovely post :) I'm sure you will also be a better mom because of your journey.

    I struggle with acceptance of others in the context of unfit/abusive parents. Grrr... They just don't know how blessed they are.


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