For so many years I have been outside looking in the lives of families with children. Outside the inner circle. Now I am approaching what could quite possibly be the door to the entrance of life on the other side of infertility and it scares me. Not for reasons that you might think, though. I am not terrified of motherhood, though maybe I should be. I am not fearful of regret or afraid of failure. I am scared to leave my fellow infertile sisters behind. So many of us have run this race together, watching friends and loved ones sprint past us, many times lapping us several times. So we all banded together, helping each other along when times got tough and we thought that we could not take another step. Now I feel like I am abandoning these sisters and I am not even pregnant yet.
I so want to be on the "other" side, I do! I want to feel the excitement, anticipation and even relief that accompanies crossing over. But I want all of you to join me. I want us to complete this race together, holding hands, banded tight. But it is not to be. If this is my time (and I pray that it is) I will cross over to the "other" side with all of you cheering me on. But know that if this happens I may no longer be running this same race, but I will be sitting on the side lines cheering all of you on, waiting to hug you on the "other" side.