For so many years I have been outside looking in the lives of families with children. Outside the inner circle. Now I am approaching what could quite possibly be the door to the entrance of life on the other side of infertility and it scares me. Not for reasons that you might think, though. I am not terrified of motherhood, though maybe I should be. I am not fearful of regret or afraid of failure. I am scared to leave my fellow infertile sisters behind. So many of us have run this race together, watching friends and loved ones sprint past us, many times lapping us several times. So we all banded together, helping each other along when times got tough and we thought that we could not take another step. Now I feel like I am abandoning these sisters and I am not even pregnant yet.
I so want to be on the "other" side, I do! I want to feel the excitement, anticipation and even relief that accompanies crossing over. But I want all of you to join me. I want us to complete this race together, holding hands, banded tight. But it is not to be. If this is my time (and I pray that it is) I will cross over to the "other" side with all of you cheering me on. But know that if this happens I may no longer be running this same race, but I will be sitting on the side lines cheering all of you on, waiting to hug you on the "other" side.
I find myself having these feelings too, any time I feel a twinge and wonder whether something is cooking in there. Also, when I read blogs or hear people talk about post partum issues, newborn issues, etc., I get to thinking about it. But, then I consider the last (nearly) 3 years and realize it would all be worth it!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Maybe I'm extra emotional today, but that last line "waiting to hug you on the other side" brought a tear to my eye. Very sweet! I've often wondered about leaving behing my IF sisters. As for now I'm still sitting with them though...
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your journey!
(((hugs)))
You are so sweet! That made me tear up, too! I think I know how you feel though. I wish we could all "pass over" together. I hope I will always remember to pray for my fellow infertile sisters, whether or not I get to experience the "other side". Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm still sitting here on the sidelines, but if the all works for you, I will cheer while you cross over and hope that one day I too will get to cross over as well. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteICLW