The entire journey through infertility has been an exercise of faith. Faith that you will get through another pregnancy announcement. Faith that your family will be compassionate. Faith that a treatment will work. Faith that you will one day conceive. Faith that a birth mother will choose you. Faith that you will survive this journey.
Along that way that faith wavers for many of us. It is hard to believe that it will all work out one day. It is difficult to see the purpose behind this struggle. Many times faith is all that you have to hold on to. Right now I am reaching for Faith. Faith that things work out for the transfer. Faith that the money will be there. And faith that it will work. All while I doubt that we will have the money. And doubt that it will work.
So often faith and doubt go hand in hand. I wish that I had enough faith that the doubts would go away, but I do not. I am doing my best to remain optimistic, but that is a challenge considering nothing else has worked out. I remind myself that God has brought us here and is opening doors that would have otherwise remained closed to us. Yet, I must remind myself that this does not guarantee success. Our upcoming transfer may be the finish line for us, or just another stop in the road. And right now all I can do is have faith that we will come out on the other side a better person for having done it, regardless of the outcome.