Aunt Jessie

I have one niece and I love, love, love being an aunt! My niece, L, and I share a special bond. She is my brother's daughter and he is raising her. L's mom is one of those woman that we infertiles want to beat the crap out of. She has been given a beautiful daughter that she treats like dirt. It breaks my heart for L. But this has allowed me to have a very close relationship with L, a relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. The other night L called me at 2:30 am in tears. She had an earache and just wanted me. So I scrounged up some glasses, threw on some sweats and went to go get her. She kept me up all night. When we did try to sleep she kicked me over and over. And I loved it!!!

I am getting ready to be an aunt again. My sister is due this week with a little girl. I am approaching this impending birth with some trepidation. Because this niece will have a good mom I won't be "needed" like I was with L and I am afraid that I won't be as close to her. I am also at a different place in my life than when L was born. Instead of being 3 years into infertility with so much hope I am now 11 years into infertility with very little hope left. I am thankful to have embryo adoption to focus on right now as it helps to combat some of the jealousy that I am feeling. But I am still anticipating the tears that will fall as I drive away from the hospital after the birth of my new niece. I really hope that there will come a day where I can truly rejoice with each new birth. The reality is that even if we do have children then scars of infertility run deep, maybe even too deep to ever feel true joy for the extremely fertile.

Even with all of the conflicting emotions I look forward to meeting this new little person. I love being an aunt and it will be fun to spoil another one and still be able to walk away when they cry and throw a tantrum!