Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Monday, November 29, 2010

it never really ends, does it?

Infertility, that is. I was so excited to finally get pregnant last year that I just knew everything would be easier from here on out. I must have been smoking crack cause that is so not true! Okay, it is slightly true. Now that I have a baby the pain has lessened considerably. But the rest of it is still the same. On the way home from the hospital after giving birth I was missing my baby bump and wanted to be pregnant again already. I still mourn not being pregnant anymore. And while I am loving and enjoying every minute of being a mommy and having Maddie here I am already thinking about "next time". If I was fertile I doubt that I would even be worrying about it, but considering that nothing is easy here in the last of the infertiles I have to begin planning.

I am wondering how we will afford this again. And where will we go for our next FET? Our clinic closed so it is back to square one. And what if it doesn't work the first time? Can we afford to do this not once, but twice? Or even three times? I hate that money is such an issue when it comes to getting pregnant. It would be so much cheaper if I could spend $40 on some sexy lingerie and some candles instead of PIO and Estrace. And if you are in high school the candles and lingerie are not even necessary.

There is just no way around it.....infertility sucks!!!


  1. I have had the same feelings exactly and the same struggles. You are not alone on this one I so could have written your post. ((hugs))

  2. (((hugs))) I get this, even though my situation is not exactly infertility and even though I'm still pregnant. I worry about next time all the time. I worry about what if we get pregnant again on our own and have another baby who can't live? And then there is all the same issues you addressed already. Most people don't even have to consider any of this, and the unfairness of it all can be overwhelming at times!

  3. *there are* not *there is*. I do know how to use proper grammar!

  4. I did not experience IF until after 4 kiddos and it has humbled me, made me more sensitive to women struggling to hold their first child, but reading your post speaks of the ongoing challenges of IF. I pray that you will have all necessary funds available when you are ready to go for it again. We had to change clinics too and it was rough, but am so glad we are where we are now. Anyway, know I am thinking of you! : )

  5. You and I are so alike. I cried for days, no weeks after my daughter was born because I wasn't pregnant anymore. I totally loved being a new mama, but I wanted to be pregnant too! I was silly as well and figured we would get pregnant quickly after our forced year off. Ha! I still want to smack myself for that one. Nothing ever comes easy once you've been labeled an infertile. You're right, it is something that never goes away.


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