Once you have been married a year (sometimes earlier) people begin asking you "the question". You know the one: "When are you two gonna have kids?". After infertility is diagnosed (or suspected) and you begin to tell people that things are not going as planned you begin to get all of the expert advice. From fertiles. People who pop out babies on accident. Go figure!! Sadly, they all believe what they are telling you and this is partly because TV portrays infertility incorrectly. So I am going to debunk some of those myths.
Myth 1:
"Relax and you will get pregnant" or "Quit trying"
Fact:
Do fertiles really think that we started out frantic about having a baby? Unless we knew about our infertility ahead of time or started ttc later in life we are all relaxed that first 6 months to 1 year. We are naive and assume pregnancy will happen soon so we ARE relaxed. We don't begin to worry until we have been trying for awhile. So if "relaxing" worked we would have all gotten pregnant in the first few months. Back when sex was about recreation instead of procreation.
Myth 2:
"Just adopt and you will get pregnant."
Fact:
This actually does happen, but it is rare. Then why do we hear it all of the time? Because it makes for a good story line on television. When watching a show on TV it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy to see the lead character adopt and then get pregnant unexpectedly. The actuality of it happening are slim to none.
Myth 3:
"You should do IVF. It works!"
Fact:
IVF is a wonderful option and works for many, many people. But the truth of the matter is that not only is it very expensive and time consuming, it doesn't always work. Many people assume that it does though and this is because no one talks about the failures. You won't hear someone say "My cousin's husband's sister did IVF 7 times and never got pregnant. They had to file bankruptcy because of it and are now living in their cars. But you should really try it. I hear it works." Yeah, I doubt that you will ever hear that one!
What are some of the other myths of infertility that you want to set the record straight on?
"We are naive and assume pregnancy will happen soon so we ARE relaxed" Amen to that!
ReplyDeleteTelling someone to "just relax" is like saying to a cancer patient, "Just Relax!" Relaxing is not going to help a bona-fide medical condition. =\
IDK, this one just gets my blood boiling. *blush* As I'm sure it does many other IFs. =(
Another myth that I really feel should be debunked is that IVF is NOT "playing God." All we are trying to do is to use medicine to help us get where we can't get ourselves without help. It really is no different than someone who has cancer, seeking chemo or someone who breaks a bone, getting a cast. We are simply using medicine b/c obviously something is broken or else we could get pregnant like the rest of the population.
I wrote about "things not to say to someone with IF" on my blog if you wanna check it out (I even throw my views out there on relaxing, getting pg after adoption, & IVF =))... http://galatians4-22-23.blogspot.com/2010/04/things-not-to-say-to-those-who-are.html
Oh yeah I have heard those all a million of times.My friend did IVF worked the 1st time.She has done 2 more since then both this year.One ended up in miscarriage and the last one a BFN.She pays out of pocket for these.She won't consider adoption or anything that's not all 100% her and her husband.I told about your story and embryo adoption.She said she just couldn't do that.Well at least she was honest about it.She wasn't knocking it at all.I am going to see if a local clinic has a list to see if I can get on.We shall see.Keep your fingers crossed.I would appreciate it.Thanks so much.I still have hope.
ReplyDeleteOh the list goes on!
ReplyDeleteReally love your quip about the last one!
I love when people tell you to go on vacation. Seriously? That's a great idea... if my fertile window happens to coincide with vacation. Oh wait, fertiles don't know anything about fertile windows, charting, etc. Of course going on vacation makes sense to them!
ReplyDelete