Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

And yet another reason I hate infertility!

Remember when you first got married, those days of wedded bliss? Remember when you first said to your hubby "Let's make a baby!"? Ah...to be young, carefree and naive again! I miss those days. But alas, I am here. Twelve years older, thousands of dollars poorer, and have more knowledge of my reproductive organs that my high school biology teacher. Yes, I have a child now, and for that I am most thankful. But the "let's have another baby" conversation will not be an easy one for us. We will have to go through treatments again, which means saving money and waiting for available embryos. And all of this is for a "chance" not a guarantee.

Back when we first started trying, when I thought that I was "normal", we talked baby names. We had dreams and ideas of our future children. We have had our names picked out for years. Many, many years!!! I have had to sit back and watch fellow church members use our names and while it hurt, I survived. I could care less if Maddie is one of four in our church. I love her name and was determined to use it. We have two other names that we absolutely love and have planned on using for years: Braeden for a boy and Olivia for a girl. Both are popular now but our church is small and no one else has these names and all of my friends are done having babies. My sister is planning another child (must be nice to plan, huh?) and neither of these names are on her list. What I hadn't counted on was my brother and his girlfriend having a baby. And choosing one of my names: Olivia.

When I had first learned that they were unexpectedly expecting I was a wee bit jealous as they had done so much to prevent and can still pop one out. But for the most part I handled it well. However I did tell hubby that I hoped they had a girl as I would really like to be the first at something and hope that our next one (if God wills it) will be a boy. I am the oldest of three yet the last to have a baby. And the only one that ever wanted children. Though I may never have another child and if we do it may be a girl, I still wanted to chance to be "first" at having a boy. But now that they have chosen my girl name I hope that they have a boy. Silly, I know!

I am not upset that they have chosen the name Olivia as they had no idea that we planned to use this name if ever given the opportunity. But it still stings. We were supposed to be done having kids by now and would have already gotten to use our chosen names and this would not be an issue. Infertility stinks on so many levels and this is just one more reason!!


  1. I hate when that happens. Every time my family members or friend announce their expecting the first thing I think of is that I'm hoping they don't use a name that I like. I'm so worried that the names that I've fallen in love with wont be mine since I can't just get pregnant like the rest of my family.

  2. OMG!!! I feel your pain. Six years ago I was pregnant and we lost our baby- come to find out it was a boy whom we named William Joseph after my two grandfathers. However we had already picked out names/ announced names to those who asked etc... Well my good friend announced she was pregnant right after we lost our son. Anyhoo long story short, she named her daughter our girls name- I was FURIOUS, but I still ended up using the name when we adopted our daughter. Oh and then my cousin was pregnant a couple of years later and decided to name her son William- kept the name from me (however I overheard her mother telling her friends on Christmas eve at church- broke my heart. It really hurt. Now I know that I don't have the copyright on names etc... but I just wish people would be considerate and think about us who struggle to get pregnant.
    THINKING of you and praying for you.

  3. I am totally with you. Infertility blows monkey chunks on so ridiculously many levels.

    My sister had three baby girls before I did, but her battles to babies certainly has not been easy either. When my husband and I talk about having more, I keep hoping and praying our next one is a boy because I didn't have the first grandchild, but like you, I want to at least have the first boy. When I found out my sister was pregnant, I just knew she was going to have a boy.

    She isn't. She's having another girl!

    I hope your brother gets a girl, and you and I have the first boys in our families. ;)


I love comments! They make me feel important.