Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

She IS my biological daughter!

When we first decided to pursue EA we were very excited!!! Even more so once we found out that we were indeed pregnant after 11 long years of waiting. We were amazed that it worked!! But during it all there was a part of me that was sad that our daughter would not be genetically related to us.It was something that I had to mourn and am honestly over. I think that this is something that most everyone goes through when adopting (if infertility is a factor), regardless of the type of adoption. Recently I posted about my lack of bonding with my daughter (which has gotten much better, btw!) and I made a comment that it had nothing to do with her not being biologically related to me but more about a past trauma (losing our daughter in a failed adoption). A fellow blogger, tasivfer, over at Rinding the IVF Roller Coaster posted a link to an amazing article explaining how Maddie IS biologically related to me! Though this article has not helped be bond with Maddie (since it was never the issue) it was wonderful to read. And I know that all of you that have used donated embryos or donor eggs will love this article as much as I did!!

Here is the part of the article that you will want to read:

“Women who give birth to donor egg babies are the biological moms”

“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.” Taken from a booklet published by Freedom Pharmacy


  1. How cool is that?! I teared up reading it--it's sort of what I've been thinking, that a baby I carry made from my husband's sperm and my best friend's eggs would be biologically tied to all of us, but it's cool to read that that's scientifically accurate! Thanks for posting!

  2. gave me chills. i love love love this!

  3. You know there is new research in the field of epigentics that shows we have more influence over our DNA than we think. Actually how we act and eat and breath can alter the genes that present themselves dominantly. So indeed we are biological mothers of our children!!!
    I am going to go through a donor egg cycle coming up early next year and love your story. Thanks. Your daughter is so precious and so loved.

  4. So... what does that mean for a surrogate mother?

  5. I'm glad you liked the article. :-) (Sorry - been away for a few days squeezing in a quick camping trip before our donor cycle!)

  6. Thanks so much for posting this! I did not know that. I did wonder about it though. This makes me feel a lot better!

  7. I'm so glad I came across this! As a mom thru embryo adoption and domestic adoption, I stuggle too with the bio-bonds that I miss having . . .even after so many years. But yes, one grew in my belly, and the other grew in my heart until they were both born to be forwver ours . . .


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