Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Buyer's Remorse

Several years ago we decided that it was time to get a second vehicle, one for me to drive around town. Up until this point I had traveled with hubby so we were always together and there was no need for a second car. But I quit traveling and needed some wheels. Our main vehicle was a van. Not just a van, but a minivan. A mommy vehicle. We bought it because we were so sure that we would have kids soon and need it. We had that van for 6 years and never put a car seat in it. So I decided that "my" vehicle would be just that: mine. No thoughts of kids involved. Yet I secretly hoped that as soon as I bought it I would get pregnant and regret the purchase, but the joke was one me. We also wanted something cheap. Like pay cash for cheap. We drove past one of those mom and pop car lots and saw a cute little Ford Probe. It was about $2000 and looked so pretty!! We had it looked over by a mechanic and he found a few problems with it so we decided to pass on it. Once I had sat behind the wheel of the sporty little car I was hooked. I was never big on sporty cars, but here I was wanting one. The mechanic told us of a neighbor that had a Probe for sale and he would get us the info. This one was RED! Bright red! And in good running order. AND only $700! Can't beat that! The only thing wrong with it was that the guy that owned it had the muffler removed and a glasspack installed. For those that don't know that a glasspack is, it is one of those muffler thingies that makes a vehicle loud. Super loud!! You couldn't hold a conversation in that car. But this was an easy fix. The other issue was that it was a manual transmission. A stick shift. And I am a total girl driver! Hubby and I test drove it and he let me try to drive it, assuring me that I would learn quickly. So we bought my candy apple red sporty Probe. I was stylin'!

That night I lay in bed almost in tears. I had buyer's remorse. What if I could not learn how to drive a stick? What if I rolled down a hill and off a cliff? What if I stalled in the middle of the road? How would I tell hubby that now I didn't want the car? I was miserable!

You are asking yourself, what does this have to do with an infertility and pregnancy bog? Did she buy another car? What? Well, patience, my dear, and I will explain it all to you.

Last night we were getting ready for bed and hubby said "Good night. Love you." Pretty standard. Then he said "Good night, Madddie. Daddy loves you." Aw, so sweet. But it was what he said next that sent me into a panic. He said "See you in a few weeks." Really?? A few weeks?? Then I began to think about the fact that she really is coming out and will coming home to live with us! She will be totally dependent on us. Her parents. Holy crap, we are going to be parents!!! What if I leave her somewhere? What if I fall down the steps and drop her? What if I miss the symptoms of a serious illness? It was buyer's remorse all over again!

Back to the Probe, I did eventually learn to drive it. Hubby took me out several times to practice and I somehow wrapped my brain around the concept of shifting while driving. Though I never could do anything other than shift and drive. No texting or eating or phone calls for me while driving! I even went on to get a second vehicle that was a stick after my Probe bit the dust. This should have all been very reassuring to me last night when I was scared about bringing Maddie home. Surely if that worked out then this would too. But what you didn't know was that while I could drive a stick I was never any good at it!!! I stalled all the time. I rolled down hills (though never off a cliff, thank God!) and my niece hated to ride in that car because I was so bad at it. Hopefully I take to motherhood better than I did at driving a stick shift. ;-)


  1. I have two girls and though it hasn't been easy we've done a pretty good job so far. I can't drive a stick at all! You'll be fine and will even surprise yourself now and then.

  2. I'm SURE you will take to motherhood much better. Unlike the probe, you've had 8 months of practice already! You're already her mommy, and have taken wonderful care of her. The only difference now will be that you can see her! :)

    I learned to drive stick in my roommate's probe. I was pretty bad at it, too. Once my car broke down and my brother in law lent me his, which was a stick shift. I hung a sign in the back window that said "new stick shift driver. please don't stop too close behind me!" It worked! I didn't roll back into anyone! :)

  3. I think I would feel the same way, but women do it every day, and you will too! I have to believe that some sort of fierce protectiveness will set in as soon as you see your little girl, and you'll only make the typical non-life threatening mistakes!

    Wow - just a few more weeks :)

  4. LOL... I think we ALL have felt this way! The morning we had to drive to the hospital to get Ethan out of me.. I thought I would die! ha ha! Lets say MANY trips to the restroom! ha ha ha! Then they thought I should be able to "go" by the time we left the hospital.. I was like are you kidding me I went a gazillion times right before I had him! ha ha ha! TMI.. I know.. but you just wait it gets WONDERFUL! And as each day goes by after she gets here just remember it gets easier and easier! CANT wait to see pics of Maddie!!

  5. LOL! You will DEFINITELY take to motherhood better than a stick shift.

    What you are going through right now is called "the end of a full-term pregnancy." Each and every woman out there has those feelings and doubts. I am sure even the Dug.gar mom had them with her first. They are completely natural. Your life is about to change in ways that you have no idea what to expect. You think you do, and you're pretty sure you do, but you're not so sure.

    I can promise you this, while being a mom might not come as naturally or easily as they say the first few days, weeks, or even months, you will eventually get into your groove, look at at this moment, and laugh.


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