Today in Sunday School my teacher taught on the story of Sarah and Abraham. He was focusing on Abraham and Sarah's lack of faith that God would fulfill His promise of the long awaited child. As he was teaching I learned a few things. I guess that he did his job, huh?!
Previously I was a bit critical of Sarah and Abraham. They had a promise of a child, a guarantee. What I wouldn't have given to have God give me a promise during my 11 years of ttc. I had always thought "if only" I had a promise then I would be fine with the long wait. Why couldn't Sarah and Abraham be content with the wait then? But today I thought what if God had given me a promise and at the age 90 I still had not conceived? Would I still have faith? I would like to be a spiritual giant here and answer in the affirmative, but who am I kidding? Of course I would not believe that He would give me a child at that age, especially not biologically. Even with all of the advancements in modern medicine having a biological baby at the age of 99 is an impossibility unless you freeze your eggs or embryos several years prior and find a completely incompetent doctor to transfer them to your uterus. So how would i have responded had God told me at the age of 90 that I would still have a baby? I am sure that I would have laughed as well. Maybe even rolled my eyes.
This story started a discussion in class about faith. Or the lack thereof. Someone mentioned that it was sin not to have complete faith in God. I argued that faith only exists because of our doubt. If we did not have doubt them there would be no need for faith, we would just have certainty. Faith and doubt go hand in hand. I spoke up in class and said that my faith in God never wavered during my 11 years of ttc, but I doubted that we would ever have a baby. How is this possible? How can you have complete faith and still doubt? Because my faith was not that God would give us a baby, but that His will would be done. My doubt was that it would be done in the way that I wanted, a baby.
Like Sarah and Abraham, I think that all of us struggle between having doubts and having faith. But in our doubt we learn to develop faith in Him. And until your story is over there is always reason to have faith.