the worst wait.....ever!

This has by far been the worst wait ever. The first two days I was traveling and did not have time to even think about it which was nice. Then once I returned home I had laundry to do, church to attend and kids to watch so I thought that it would pass a lot quicker. But that is not the case. Time is slowly crawling by. Part of it is because I am super emotional right now. Yes, it could be a symptom of pregnancy, but most likely it is from the Crinone. I am used to being irritable with PMS and pregnancy, but this crybaby stuff is new to me. I used Prometrium (vaginally) last time as well as PIO for a few weeks and neither made me feel this way. Crinone is the only thing different this time. And I don't like it one bit!!

I went to my sister's house tonight for dinner. My mom was there and was taking my sister's two girls home with her tonight. She mentioned taking Maddie but I said no as we have church in the morning. As we were leaving Maddie was crying to go and I was mad at my mom for leaving her out. But she didn't, I am the one that said no. But my baby's heart was broken because she couldn't go so I was upset. And I cried. It was nuts!!! LOL And then I came home and cried because I am sure that I am not pregnant. Getting an early BFP last time meant that I was riding a pregnancy high for my first beta. This time I am just so worried that it won't happen. And it terrifies me! We have two blasts left and we could possibly try one more time, but the thoughts of spending all of this money again makes me ill. Yes, I am thankful for the option, but seriously, over the years we have spent so much. Many couples have spent a lot more, I get that, but this is a lot of money to us. I don't know if we can do it again. But I am not sure that I will be ready to give up either.

I need to quit thinking this way and just wait. I will test again in the morning. I am not sure why. Maybe I am a masochist. But I will test tomorrow morning, Monday morning and then beta on Tuesday. I am scheduled for Wednesday but I am going to call and see if I can move it up a day. I do in home childcare and I have a full house on Wednesday and start at 7 am. There is no way for me to make it before noon. On Tuesday I just have my niece and can leave her and Maddie with hubby.

So if you think about it, pray for this crazy lady. Pray that I don't end up in the loony bin before my beta.