beta will be tomorrow

Originally I had wanted to move my beta up to today as I have a full house tomorrow (in home childcare) and was not able to get away until late afternoon for my blood draw. I called the nurse yesterday and she said that since I am getting BFNs at home she would rather I wait until Wednesday just in case I have a late implanter in there. She was very kind but we both knew that things do not look good. I agreed to wait and things are worked out for me to go tomorrow morning at 8 am CST. I am just praying that the results get to them by 3 pm as that is when they close (they close at 4 EST/3 CST). I need this to be over. If it ends up being good news, great. But either way I need some closure so that we can make plans to move forward.

We have 2 more embryos (both blasts) and hubby and I were not sure if we would use them or not. Actually, we really never considered that this would not work and had not thought that far ahead. After all of this I was ready to quit but hubby would like to try one last time. And now, I would too. If nothing else we will know that we have done all that we could and we can put ttc behind us forever. And that is okay. Sort of. I love being pregnant and the thoughts of never experiencing that again saddens me. But I am so thankful to have had the opportunity with Maddie and I need to focus on that.  Once we get a house and have more space we will pray about starting the foster to adopt process. That has always been a desire of ours and we have always planned to go this route and if I don't get pregnant we will know that it is time to begin.

The person that first told me about FIRM also told me that the first try was around $3500 but that subsequent tries are around $1400. I have not asked the nurse about this but I pray that it is true. If so we will be able to try in a few months. Though I hate the thoughts of traveling again we will do it differently. Next time I will fly right into Jacksonville, take a shuttle to the hotel, plan on a hotel instead of at the church we were planning on before (this eliminates anything falling through on us), and a taxi to the clinic and back. That way the stress of city driving will not be an issue and all I have to do is relax.The only downside is not being able to go to the beach, but that is okay. If we are successful we will take a family vacation there in a few years and I can spend hours and hours at the beach then. Oh, and next time NO HPTs!!! I am swearing them off forever!!!!

Emotionally I am doing okay. Ready to focus on something else. Ready to quit letting this dominate my every waking thought. I am starting to cramp and it feels like AF is getting  ready to start. Does anyone know if she will show before I stop the meds?

I will update tomorrow after my test. I appreciate all of the support that you all have given. It has been a huge help!!!