So many mixed emotions

Recently my sleeping patterns have changed. I still wake up several times a night to go potty and I go right back to sleep until about 5am. For some reason I cannot return to sleep after that potty break. Maybe it is because I wake up hungry! Today was no different. I just finished some breakfast and am waiting to start getting ready for my doctor's appointment. The house is quiet and I am left here with time to think. Today could be "the day". The day that our life changes. Forever. It is exciting, but it is also overwhelming. Not so much labor and delivery, though that is a bit scary. No, it is more the fact that life as I have known it for 12 years will no longer exist. And they have been a very good 12 years. Infertility cast a shadow on those years but they were still wonderful years. I love spending time with my hubby. He is my best friend and we never run out of things to talk about. Maddie will just be an addition to the beautiful life that we have together and I am excited to embark on this part of the journey. But there is a part of me that is sad to see the old me depart. The infertile me. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I stepping into a new role. Infertility was never fun! But this is me, infertility and all. It made me who I am and I am proud of the person that I have become. Okay, maybe not proud of everything, but it taught me things that I may have never learned otherwise. Just as motherhood will.

So today I may say goodbye to this part of my life but I am excited to begin the next chapter!