I must confess that last week was a bit rough for me. (And for those of you that have a hard time reading posts about pregnancy then I would skip this post. It is one that would have made me angry a year ago) I have always criticized women that were disappointed with the gender of their child. I mean, "how dare you not be happy that you are having a boy instead of a girl?!?! Or vice versa. You should just be grateful that you could have children at all. Do you know how many women want a baby and would be happy with any gender??" This is the diatribe that would be in my head each time I heard of someone that was unhappy with their unborn baby's gender. I was harsh. I was critical. I was right. And now I am one of them. It shames me to admit it.
Not that I didn't want a baby girl. I really, really do!! But I have had a boy planned for almost 5 months. I called the baby "he". I imagined a son. I just hadn't thought of a girl. My intuition was so strong. It wasn't even wishful thinking because in the beginning I really didn't care. But as time went on I felt so strongly that I was carrying a boy. Having a girl has really thrown me for a loop. There are so many reasons that I wanted a boy:
*I am the oldest of 3 children, yet the last to have a baby. Both of my siblings have girls. I wanted a boy to be the first at something.
*My sister and a good friend of mine both have a bunch of baby girl stuff. They are both so kind and want to share. It is all like new, but I want my baby to have her own things, not all hand-me-downs. I want her to be special.
*Little boys love their mommy the mostest.
All of these thoughts are stupid and irrational. I know it so don't judge the crazy, hormonal pregnant woman! I am doing enough of that myself. Since Thursday I have come to realize several things:
*Regardless of gender my baby is special.
*God chose for us to have a girl for a reason. THIS is the child that we are meant to have.
*Little girls are adorable and I am going to have a blast dressing her up and one day getting mani and pedis together.
*And though she will love her daddy the mostest I will still be special to her and she will still love me.