How did I get here?

As I am now over the halfway point in this pregnancy it seems much more real to me than it did a few months ago. With this reality comes disbelief. I often wonder how I got here. Had you asked me 2 years ago if I truly believed that I would ever have a child I would have answered no. During the first few years of infertility I had a lot of hope that we would one day have a baby. Even through our two failed adoptions I had hope. But after our 4 unsuccessful IUIs, I was left with very little hope or faith. Even after we had decided to pursue embryo adoption I still did not believe that a pregnancy was possible. Then with each new step and open door I began to have a tiny glimmer of hope again. But even with this hope I still did not think that this would be "it" for us. After the 2 pink lines I kept waiting for bad news, something that would rob me of my dreams. Once we knew that all was well I moved from hope to disbelief and even guilt. Why me? Why now? Why not others? So many thoughts go through your head. I had 11 years to grow as an infertile woman but have only 9 months to become a mother. It is a bit overwhelming. But I know that the grace that sustained me through the years of infertility will be present during the years of parenthood. And those years of infertility will make me a better mother and hopefully an inspiration to those still waiting.