Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Monday, April 26, 2010

How did I get here?

As I am now over the halfway point in this pregnancy it seems much more real to me than it did a few months ago. With this reality comes disbelief. I often wonder how I got here. Had you asked me 2 years ago if I truly believed that I would ever have a child I would have answered no. During the first few years of infertility I had a lot of hope that we would one day have a baby. Even through our two failed adoptions I had hope. But after our 4 unsuccessful IUIs, I was left with very little hope or faith. Even after we had decided to pursue embryo adoption I still did not believe that a pregnancy was possible. Then with each new step and open door I began to have a tiny glimmer of hope again. But even with this hope I still did not think that this would be "it" for us. After the 2 pink lines I kept waiting for bad news, something that would rob me of my dreams. Once we knew that all was well I moved from hope to disbelief and even guilt. Why me? Why now? Why not others? So many thoughts go through your head. I had 11 years to grow as an infertile woman but have only 9 months to become a mother. It is a bit overwhelming. But I know that the grace that sustained me through the years of infertility will be present during the years of parenthood. And those years of infertility will make me a better mother and hopefully an inspiration to those still waiting.


  1. I think all those thoughts are normal. And yes, you are an inspiration!

  2. Im just soo happy for you! Been praying everyday that this pregnancy is so smooth for you! Absolutely can not wait to see pics of your little one!!

  3. I'm almost at the end of my pregnancy, and it still doesn't seem real to me :-)
    And yes, I believe too that what we've been through to get to where we are will make us better paretns.

  4. Your words are heartfelt and touching. Thank you for your honesty. You deserve every minute of this pregnancy. I am so happy for you.


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