We have been trying to get pregnant for over 11 years. This has given me a lot of time to imagine how it would feel to announce our pregnancy, shop for maternity clothes, choose baby names, etc. The reality of it is so different than I had ever imagined! The announcing part was how I thought that it would be. When I saw the word "pregnant" on the test I was giddy with excitement and I was overjoyed to tell friends and family. But the rest of it is nothing like I saw it to be in my dreams.
I am currently 6 weeks and I should still be riding the wave of euphoria. But I am not. I have not had my first ultrasound and I don't feel pregnant so I worry that I am no longer pregnant. A part of me refuses to get excited because the u/s might show that the baby is not growing. Or that there is no heartbeat. I think that if I had some symptoms I would be able to relax a bit, but I don't. Right now food tastes a little odd and I have little appetite, I am a little tired as well. Other than that I feel "normal". I don't want to feel normal, I want to feel sick from morning sickness, my boobs to swell like melons, and to be so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open.
I am also having to continue my medication regimen and I hate it! Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for this miracle baby and the opportunity that embryo adoption has given us, but the medication is not fun! It begins at 7am with 1 injection, 3 pills, 1 vaginal suppository and 2 patches that have to be changed every three days. Then another suppository at 2pm, another injection and 2 pills ar 7pm and the last suppository at 10pm. Then my 6 folic acid and 1 prenatal. If I go anywhere throughout the day I have to take medication with me. The shots hurt and my belly is bruised and sore. And the cost!!! The other day I ordered refills and it is coming tomorrow. I miscalculated and needed one of them yesterday so I went to a local pharmacy and paid cash price. Instead of $25 copay for 90 pills it $41 for 6 pills!
All of that complaining to say that I praise Him for this baby(s) and this whining is hormonal!!
Oh Jess, I wish I knew what to say to ease your mind. I'm sure its still too soon to "feel" anything, so hang in there. I'll be praying for peace for you.
ReplyDeleteAfter our successful transfer with our donor embryos,I too did not "feel" pregnant at first and even after the u/s I worried that the baby's heart had stopped etc.The meds were hard on me too even though I knew that it was best to take them and all the shots ugg! I know exactly what you are going through and want you to know that it is normal, not easy but normal. I am here if you have any questions or just want to talk.((hugs))
ReplyDeleteWell you have to understand that you found out sooner than most people would that you are pregnant. Some symptoms don't start till 8-10 weeks anyways. Praying all goes well at the u/s
ReplyDeletePraying for you Jess. Such an emotional stressful time! Completely understand!
ReplyDeleteI can't relate, I still feel pregnant LOL. I just took one prog. shot a day and 1 estrogen shot twice a week. I had no patience or time for the patches, and definitely not the suppositories. Maybe you can switch to this too? Maybe you are takin heparin which I did not. Maybe your dr. can switch it up for you & that would help ease your mind. I am 13 weeks and still have TONS OF FEAR! Don't know that it will go away until the baby comes.
ReplyDeleteJess, this is the scariest bit. I think. Or maybe it'll always be scary for us infertiles until we hold a baby in our hands. Can you not go for an earlier scan? Much love, Fran
ReplyDeleteAhh, once again you sound like I did at that stage.... its actually a lot of fun for me to read your posts, making me feel that all I felt at those stages was, in fact, very normal. The best advice I was given is to just enjoy EACH day - one day at a time. Because for today, you ARE pregnant. And the chances you will continue to be far exceed the chances you will not. Hang in there with all the shots and pills and be thankful your insurance DOES cover some of it (mine didn't cover ANYTHING). You'll be done with them before you know it! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Laura. That is great advice. I am going to call tomorrow and see if I can't get in earlier.
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