We have been trying to get pregnant for over 11 years. This has given me a lot of time to imagine how it would feel to announce our pregnancy, shop for maternity clothes, choose baby names, etc. The reality of it is so different than I had ever imagined! The announcing part was how I thought that it would be. When I saw the word "pregnant" on the test I was giddy with excitement and I was overjoyed to tell friends and family. But the rest of it is nothing like I saw it to be in my dreams.
I am currently 6 weeks and I should still be riding the wave of euphoria. But I am not. I have not had my first ultrasound and I don't feel pregnant so I worry that I am no longer pregnant. A part of me refuses to get excited because the u/s might show that the baby is not growing. Or that there is no heartbeat. I think that if I had some symptoms I would be able to relax a bit, but I don't. Right now food tastes a little odd and I have little appetite, I am a little tired as well. Other than that I feel "normal". I don't want to feel normal, I want to feel sick from morning sickness, my boobs to swell like melons, and to be so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open.
I am also having to continue my medication regimen and I hate it! Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for this miracle baby and the opportunity that embryo adoption has given us, but the medication is not fun! It begins at 7am with 1 injection, 3 pills, 1 vaginal suppository and 2 patches that have to be changed every three days. Then another suppository at 2pm, another injection and 2 pills ar 7pm and the last suppository at 10pm. Then my 6 folic acid and 1 prenatal. If I go anywhere throughout the day I have to take medication with me. The shots hurt and my belly is bruised and sore. And the cost!!! The other day I ordered refills and it is coming tomorrow. I miscalculated and needed one of them yesterday so I went to a local pharmacy and paid cash price. Instead of $25 copay for 90 pills it $41 for 6 pills!
All of that complaining to say that I praise Him for this baby(s) and this whining is hormonal!!