A forum friend that has a beautiful baby boy through the miracle of embryo adoption recently asked the question: Where do we fit in? Are we considered to have primary infertility? Or secondary infertility?
Primary infertility is a term used to describe a couple that has never been able to conceive a pregnancy after a minimum of 1 year of attempting to do so through unprotected intercourse.
Secondary infertility, it generally remains an unacknowledged and invisible condition. Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children.
This question gave me pause as I had no idea how to answer her. I am carrying a child, but it is not my child biologically. Since I can't conceive a biological child then maybe I am considered to still have primary infertility. But yet, I AM carrying a baby, so maybe secondary is more where my I fit in now. I guess that it really doesn't matter, it is just a title. In the end I will bring home a baby that I will love as my own. Though I will admit that embryo adoption does bring its own set of questions and emotions that many of us never realize until we are in the process.
In the beginning I was so excited to just be pregnant. And I still am. Very excited! But I was watching my 4 month old niece the other day and cracking up over her facial expressions and how she is a miniature of her father. There is not denying his paternity! Now had I not seen her head pop out of my sister's lady bits I would doubt that my sister was even related to the kid!! But this made me think about the fact that our baby will not have genetic links to us. I won't look down at our sleeping child's angelic face and see my hubby's brows or my nose. I will admit, it made me a little sad. We all want to see a part of ourselves carried on in our children.
Then I thought about the important things that we will pass on to our children. We can teach them to have compassion, laugh often, work hard and most importantly to love Jesus. These are the things that will mean something one day. Not what color eyes they have or straight or curly hair. Regardless of the genetic make up of our child we still have the opportunity of leaving behind a legacy with our child. Though I still wonder.......am I considered PI or SI????