Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Please, let me cry for you.

I was reading tonight on a forum about a woman that is ttc her second child and she has been trying for 3 whole months. Aw! Don't you just want to cry for her?? Her first child took almost a year, but she wasn't really trying then. Most responses were women giving her hugs and lamenting with her that it took then 6 month for baby #3 or 4 months for baby #4. WOW! Then the tears really began to well up thinking of how hard it must be for all of them. **insert eye roll** One poster told her "Hey, it could be worse. It took us 10 years". Good for her!!

Now, before you call me a heartless witch, I am not. Okay, maybe a little when it comes to whiny woman that have no clue just how difficult it can be. Once a woman hits the one year mark my heart goes out to them and I am quick to offer support. Did I wait longer? Yes. Does it make my pain more? No, it doesn't. Infertility is infertility. If you are diagnosed at 6 months or 6 years it still hurts. But if you are not charting or temping at the very least and don't get pregnant after 3 months YOU ARE NOT INFERTILE! Yes, you are allowed to be impatient. Yes, you are allowed to hope that it goes faster. What you are not allowed to do is whine about.

I wanted to post a snarky comment but decided that it would just feed the stereotype of the crazy infertile. So I blogged about it instead!


  1. I know what you mean! Those people annoy me. I was watching a show once that had this couple on it married for only 4 months. She couldn't bear to look at the pregnancy test she just took because she didn't want it to say negative for the 3rd month in a row! poor thing, "eye roll" So her husband had to look at if for her. It ended up being positive of course.

  2. I am so with you! It seems like I hear these stories all the time and I just want to yell at the person and say "Try this for 2 years!!!!!!!!!" UGH...people annoy me! I have no patience lately!

  3. Yeah I had some people tell me that they understood my IF because it took them 3 months to get pregnant too... yeah that is the same 3 months and NEVER. I tried not to roll my eyes but I am pretty sure that I did.

  4. I understand completely! My SIL always say, "I know exactly how you feel. It took us 3 months to get pregnant with N. and 6 months to get pregnant with E." Seriously. You are going to compare your 3 and 6 months to my 3 years and a pregnancy loss? I have to hold my tongue as I walk away or quickly end the conversation whenevery she brings up her struggles.... GRRR...

  5. I can see if you are ttc your first and it’s been 6 months, worrying there might be something actually wrong that would prevent you from even getting pregnant. Just the worry factor. But once you’ve been successful after say 3-6 months of trying unassisted you can’t look back and say you struggled to get pregnant. I can’t stand message boards; they just make me upset.

  6. Glad I didn't see that one because i am not a happy-go-lucky infertile. I don't play the 'my pain is worse than yours because i've been ttc for 20+ years card) but I would have left that comment if I had read it. Yeah, it's been 20+ years for me and I've NEVER gotten pregnant! We adopted 5 years ago,a little boy who is my world. Women like her tick me off and they don't have a freakin clue.

  7. Yeah, hard to call yourself infertile if you had your first by accident and have only been trying for #2 for three months. Who turns to infertility message boards at that point? I mean, not to judge how she feels...because cleary she is upset, but still...STILL.


  8. I'm right there with you about the women who complain right away. Also like you, I sometimes want to leave snarky and snide remarks, but then I realize it just isn't worth my time.
    Good luck and happy ICLW.

  9. I agree. I also can't stand when they say '3 or 4 months'... how about 26 months? Plus ALL the doctor's appointments - blood work, ultrasounds - where tons of strangers stare at your vagina... it's not a fun road, and they have no clue.

    ICLW #77

  10. Hi Jess. I just found your blog and my husband and I are stepping into a new adoption. I'd love to ask you a couple of questions offline if that's possible. This might sounds weird, but would you email me: leigheadams@gmail.com

    Note the "e" btw leigh and adams. Thanks. I promise I'm not a weird stalker. :) Check out my blog: adamsfamilee.blogspot.com if you want.

    I've read a lot of your info and I think you may know a couple of specific things that could help. Thanks.


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