Are you wondering what SPI is? A diagnosis of some kind? A 6th sense? A new toy or gadget? Nope! I have Secondary Primary Infertility. We all know what SI is, and we all know what PI is. So what is SPI? It is the combination of the two. I am infertile....again. For the second time. In a way I have SI, but in a way I don't. Most that move onto the SI diagnosis are those that gave birth after conceiving a child whether it be naturally or with intervention. Their own biological child. Which means that the possibility exists to conceive a second child. With those that have to use a donor (embryo, sperm or egg) you do not necessarily fit into this category as their is no chance of having a biological child.
And even those that have conceived a biological child can still fit into this category. All of the emotions and struggles associated with PI are still there, the difference is you now have a child to help ease that pain. I am glad for it, really I am! But I still wonder where I fit in. I am still infertile yet some infertiles feel like they no longer relate to me because I have moved on. And fertiles want to forget that we ever struggled. But I will never forget it, nor do I want to. To forget negates the journey. My child is a miracle made even more special because of all that we went through to get her. Do I want to remember the pain? No, not really. But that pain reminds me to pray for all of those still waiting. It also reminds me just how special my daughter is, especially when she is trashing my house and smashing crackers into the carpet.
I think that it is these feelings of displacement that makes me love the online IF community. You all "get" it. And even if you don't you still support those that are struggling. And as I go through round 2 of IF I am thankful to have all of you!