How am I still fat???

I chase this kid all day long! She is Speedy Gonzales constantly searching for some new adventure. Yesterday she was standing in the kitty litter box while splashing toilet water everywhere. Today she unlocked and then opened the dishwasher to stand on the door so that she could reach stuff on the counters. She also stands on the shelves of the lower cabinets. That was just the start of my morning. At about 8 am she had her morning poo and I opened the diaper and used my right hand to grab a baby wipe. It was stuff so I used both hands to pull them apart. Big Mistake! She grabbed her poopy diaper from between her legs and wiped poop all over her shirt, face (nose and mouth included), hair and changing table. I grabbed it and wiped her face first. She then stuck her arm in the poo on the changing table. I wipe her arm and she twists and gets poo on her legs. I just needed to wipe her off enough to carry her to the shower!! I finally get her wiped off then scrub her down in the shower. All before 8 am.

I just cannot, for the life of me, understand how I can possibly still be fat while chasing her all day long! She never rests!! She has three speeds: fast, faster and crash! Barney is the only thing that will distract her (that show is like kiddie crack! she is addicted!). And yes, I will use it to give me five minutes of peace and quiet. Don't judge me!! This chubby chick needs a break sometimes! Besides, Barney music is awesome!!