Something that I have noticed through the years that I use infertility as a time frame for life. Someone mentioned that they had turned 40 recently and I thought "forty isn't old". But then today someone asked me my age (a man no less....doesn't he know better?!?!?) and when I said that I will be 36 it sounded old. But that is because in my life 36 is so close to 40 and 40 is when I want to finish trying to have children. That is only 4 years away and that is not long at all.
I do this in other things as well. It is not that I have been married for almost 15 years, but that we have been ttc for 15 years. On Mother's Day I divide it pre-baby and post-baby. Other life events and holidays are clouded by infertility. My first Christmas after being diagnosed. Thanksgiving and the only one without a child. My first New Years as a mother. Infertility defines so much. Do you view life through infertility colored glasses?
Great post! Yes, I definitely do. I drive down the freeways past exits and think "I took that exit for my IUI." or "That's the exit to the pharmacy where they compound fertility medications." It's weird how that works. Infertility memories or references seem to come first before anything else now.
ReplyDeleteI know I mark events by where I was on my infertility journey when they happened. So-and-so got married right when we got our diagnosis. That couple had their second child right around when our first FET failed, etc. For so many years, trying to have a baby has pretty much been my life, and it's hard not to mark time by where we were in the journey.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest....No. I am 2 1/2 years out from having my 2nd (and last baby)...It was a long 5 years of trying, failing, succeeding and then trying again.....but I am one who tends to put things behind me and move on. I think of things in pre-marriage vs. post-marriage....but not really with the infertility years (even though they were so very hard and often painful). I remember...I empathize and I support those still in the trenches....but for me, the scars of infertility have definitely faded and I have two amazing little humans who bring me emmense joy. I focus on them and my marriage and raising them to be good, happy, thinking people.
ReplyDeleteI don't want, in any way, to send the message that others should think like me....everyone processes their life events and issues differently. But you asked the question, so I answered....
I'm rooting for you on this next cycle!
kd