A year ago today my precious little Maddie graced us with her presence. A year ago today the 12 years of infertility finally made sense. The pain didn't end, but it lessened. The moment I heard her cry the years of anger and bitterness fell away, my grieving was over. A year ago today my life completely changed. It no longer revolved around "what ifs" and countless doctor's appointments and unsuccessful fertility treatments. It now revolved around a tiny little princess. She is the culmination of years of praying, thousands of tears, and many years of waiting.
Life as a mother is still a bit foreign to me. There are times I look at this little person and wonder how she got here. I still cannot believe that we have her. Now she is leaving her baby days behind (sniff sniff) and moving too quickly into toddlerhood. She has her own personality. She is such a delight!! She has a wonderful disposition and each day brings laughter to our home. She is trying to talk and cracks us up with her attempt at words. She loves her Kee Kee (kitty) and often gives him kisses. Winston is not happy about this new development and boxes her with his paws (don't worry, he's de-clawed!). She calls for her cousin Lella (Bella) and is quick to say Thank You though I am not really sure how to translate that here! It is gibberish sounding but she repeats me when I say it every time so I am counting it! I love to watch her grow and learn!
There are still tears. But now they are not because my arms are empty but because my heart is full.