Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Learning to be a SAHM

When hubby and I first married we decided that I would be a SAHM. A week after we were married we moved to PA (his home town) and we decided that I would not even look for a job as we were certain that babies would soon follow. My hubby is in the ministry and travels a lot so for the first year or two I traveled with him. I loved it!!! I had never traveled much before and this was a great experience. And we got to spend a lot of time together too. And this was back when everything he did was still cute so it was fun to be together 24/7.

Being that he is in the ministry we live by faith. This means that we are never sure exactly how much he will be paid, but God has always provided. This also meant that money was not always plentiful. Oh, there was enough for bills, but let;'s be serious, this girl likes to shop! So once we realized that infertility was our constant companion I decided to go back to work. But nothing serious mind you, because we still had hope for that miracle baby. I went back into child care and later did in home care. After our failed adoptions I could no longer work with kids and got a "real job". Well,m at least on that paid well. I went into the optical industry and quickly worked my way up. I loved it!!! They pay wasn't bad either and it was nice to have that assurance that the money would be there. This also allowed us to try some fertility treatments, which at the time did not work.

After 2 1/2 years at that job I was offered what was, to me, the opportunity of a lifetime. A new job in private practice. (I was in a retail office before). This would pay more money and really open some doors for advancement. They would even may for schooling if I decided to become an opthalmic tech and the starting pay for that was $25 an hour. For a girl that dropped out of college to get married that is not too shabby! I was excited and jumped into his job with both only to quickly realize that it was horrible!!! I was working for Satan himself and many of his minions. I have never hated a job before. EVER!!! But I was willing to stick it out. I turned down a good job while there hoping to put at least a year in and not look like a job hopper. A month later they laid me off. I was furious! But at least I got unemployment!

I have never really had to search for a job before and I must say, it is no fun! The optical industry is so varied. The ones in the mall work 7 days a week and until 9 pm. Many times you close the store alone and this in not always safe (I was almost robbed once doing that). So mall jobs were out. And not many private offices were hiring. I branched out and looked into different avenues but nothing panned out. Then I got pregnant. While excited, I knew that this was going to make finding a job more difficult as I refused to lie to a potential employer about my "condition". Though I did not inform them that I would not return after the baby was born as that would have just been suicide! Needless to say I never found another job. And last month my unemployment benefits ran out. So we decided that I would quit even trying to find a job since we are so close to delivery anyway. But man! Losing that second income is hard!!!

Now that I am officially a SAHM there are so many adjustments. You would think that since i have been laid off anyway that it would be no different, but it is. I am not thinking about a future job anymore, but being a caregiver for my own child. And now i have no excuse not to keep up with laundry, dishes and dinner. We love to eat out and this now has to stop as it is expensive!!! And my shopping will have to be curbed. I am a bargain hunter and enjoy being frugal, but this is a new level of frugality for me. And I don't care for living without steady income but with that of a self employed hubby. But this just means that I have to step up to the plate, curb the spending, find ways to save money and trust in Him to provide. Not a bad place to be, just.....different.


  1. There's no better job than to be a mom. I wish I could be a SAHM. My husband and I own a small business and there is no way I could trust our livelihood to someone else. Maybe if we sold everything and lived in a smaller house in town we could retire early? Not likely, but I'll keep dreaming :) !

  2. I believe SAHM are heroes today in our feminist culture - there's no higher calling than caring for your family. I pray and hope that I will be blessed to be a SAHM soon too. :)

  3. I am so envious of your ability to be a SAHM. I would love nothing more. Not spending money (and this from a shopaholic) would be worth being home with my baby girl every day. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and He knew this was really what you wanted, more than a second income. :)

  4. I think the hardest thing about being a SAHM is actually staying home, it seems I am running everywhere.

  5. I really admire my mom for staying home with my brother and me. They did struggle financially in our younger years, but we didn't lack for anything. I know my mom felt guilty at times and was also pressured at times by other women to work. And she did work at times when my dad's income slowed (he was a home builder), but you know, I have such good memories of her being at home with us. She would tell you now, especially since we lost my brother at the age of 36, that staying home was a precious gift. It would be tough for us too, especially since I bring home more pay than my husband, but if we end up with a real live baby, we will do our best for one of us to be home. Don't ever feel guilty about being a SAHM. It is still a job, and a great one at that!

  6. I think you will definitely not regret being a SAHM, even if it means you can't have everything you want. I have some friends that would love to stay at home but it's impossible. Only a few more weeks left....!!


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