Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Crabby cuz I'm flabby

The third trimester is kicking by butt!!! I went the first 28 weeks in state of bliss. I felt great both physically and hormonally. Now my freakin' hormones are in overdrive!!! I have these nasty hairs popping up on my face. I pulled a 2in long gray hair from my eyebrow today! No lie!! It was freaky. I also have one about an inch under my eye. And I have a funky coarse black hair that grows out of my cheek. Seriously?!?! Chin is one thing, but cheek?? Yuck! And I usually find these while I am out and about and do not have a pair of tweezers.

The water works have also begun. I want to cry over everything! Today I had another ultrasound at the perinatal unit. This should have been a 4D one but of course Maddie would not cooperate. She had her back to us the whole time. I saw her spine but that is it. She is down from the 40th percentile to the 30th percentile. The perintologist was not worried but I will have to return in 4 weeks to monitor her growth. I am not worried about it as she is growing and almost 3 lbs. I was, however, upset that I walked out yet again without pics of my baby girl. I have yet to get a good one of her. Compound that with the fact that I was sitting there in the waiting room with all of these women with rounded bellies and I felt like an impostor with my flabby belly. And my sweet 7 year old niece had to point out that I don't look pregnant like all of those other women. And one was quite a bit bigger than me and she even had a nicely rounded belly.

Yes, I know I should just focus on the fact that Maddie is healthy. I know!!! But it is so hard not to be sad that I don't get to experience looking pregnant. I feel like infertility robbed me of conceiving naturally that I deserve at least this much. I left the appointment in tears and have been mopey all day. And next week we will be traveling to see family and friends and I am embarrassed to even go now. Every time someone asks how far along I am they immediately look to my gut only to see that I don't look 7 1/2 months pregnant.

And to top it all off I have a toothache and it will cost at least $300 to fix it. I hate to do anything while pregnant but the pain is starting to get to me. We really do not have the money but may have to find a way anyway. I am telling you, the third trimester is out to get me!!!!


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  2. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience at the ultrasound. I don't know the right words and whether they will come out right but here they are.

    It might be a blessing in some ways that you aren't huge with a 'large' belly, that's less baby weight you have to lose, but you still have the benefit of having a beautiful, healthy baby girl still growing to as large as 'she' needs to be. Don't compare yourself to others, you are you, a strong independent beautiful woman.

    I'm sure that there are other good things about being smaller i.e less stretch marks, less water works at the other end :o, you can still see your girl bits :)

    Chin up, even if it has hair on it (we all have it even if we don't show it)


  3. Your baby girl is going to be a bit stubborn I bet!

    Just a few more weeks and you'll be holding her in your arms and you won't care that you didn't look pregnant!

  4. I so feel you! As we walk around and mingle with the other pregnant ladies at birthing class, I realize that we are the only flabby parents. They talk about how that dad can feel the baby all the time and my hubby has yet to have that chance. Regardless of how we look, we know we are pregnant and god reminds us each time we feel that kick. So as the other comment stated and even you have stated.... Stretch marks, been there done that... Sleeping on your stomach, been there do that...
    Baby weight, hahaha, what baby weight. Hang in there and enjoy the baby movements for now. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks they know, God chose you to bring this baby girl into the world. He knows what he is doing, trust him!

  5. That girl is already showing her character! I can imagine that not having pics of your baby is a bit upsetting, but very shortly you'll have her for real to look at every day. Much love, Fran

  6. Sorry you had such a difficult day:( We're all so different & so are our experiences, try not to compare yourself to others, just enjoy your beautiful Maddie & be proud of where you are:)

  7. I think the other girls are right - try not to compare yourself with the other bellies. I know, I know, easier said than done. Please be kind to yourself though. You are just as worthy as any other woman and are doing such an extraordinary thing by bringing Maddie into this world. I hope your tears become joyful tears very, very soon. Hang in there!


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