New Year's Eve is a special time for me because it is the night that my hubby proposed to me! It was 12 years ago tonight that I said yes to him and I have never regretted it, even with the trials of infertility. But through the years infertility has stolen some of the joy of this holiday. I would try to think of all the promises that the new year would bring, but inevitably I would reflect on all of the failures of the past year. Our childless home seems even emptier during this time of the year.
This year is very different as it is the first year that I carry the hope of a new life inside of me. When 2009 began it was filled with empty arms and jealousy over my sister's pregnancy. It ends with my own pregnancy. I look back and wonder how I got here. Twelve months ago I had no hope, no plan to add to our family. We had considered embryo adoption but it seemed like a far off dream. Yet God brought us through some trials and we ended with a positive pregnancy test! It amazes me how we ended up here.
So far I feel very well. I am almost 6 weeks, so it is still very early. Being as that I am not very far along I struggle with worry and fear. Today I had spotting and cramping and it was a challenge to relax and trust Him. I wanted to rush to the ER and have them tell me that everything was fine. But the spotting was not bad enough to do that so I put my feet up and prayed. It has since subsided and I am thankful for that. I pray that 2010 brings us a full term healthy bambino or two, but that is up to Him. We trust our little one(s) to His care and are trying to rest in that He will do what is best.
So 2010........let's get started!!!!