Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I get knocked down.....

Wow, I cannot tell you how bad today was. I was not prepared for it at all. When the RE said that my lining was a 13 I wanted to jump up and do a happy dance. I would have too had it not been for that vagi-wand. I just couldn't imagine anything else being wrong. It was just January when I had my last u/s and everything was fine. It never occurred to me that something could change so quickly. but it did. And now it is over. For now.

Today I was really considering not trying again. I am honestly tired of it all. This has been a 15 year battle and when you add up the surgeries, tests, failed adoptions, unsuccessful IUIs, infections, set backs, canceled cycles and an unsuccessful FET a few months ago it gets overwhelming. Very! But then I look at Maddie and know that she was worth every. single. minute. Every tear. Every dollar. Ever failure. Everything! And with the support of my amazing hubby we will move forward.

Here is where things stand right now. We canceled the flight and have been credited the $350 towards a future flight. There is a $200 re-booking fee but we are going to email the customer care department and ask if it can be waived. But if not at least we didn't lose all of the money.

I spoke with the local RE and they will order the test but the diagnosis code is for infertility. That is the only code they will use. Considering this is more than just infertility (could be a sign of infection....though unlikely) I am hoping to have it covered by insurance. I have a call into my OB about having him order it and since I also have endo and am having pain from it maybe he can code it in some other way. I also called the imaging place recommended by the local RE (stating that it was the least expensive place) and if it is self pay it will be $300. I was pleasantly surprised as I thought it was be triple that. It might even be less if my OB comes and does the test, but I still have to check on that.

Tomorrow I will call the nurse in FL back and ask her a few questions. Mainly I want to know what needs to be done if there is fluid in there. If I will need to have a laparoscopy to correct it I may opt for the lap from the start to expedite the process. I also need to ask how long I will need to wait before trying again. And I am praying that my period starts soon so I can get started on all of this. Last time it was supposed to start in 3-4 days and it took over 40 days.

Thank you for all of the words of encouragement and support. It was greatly needed and appreciated. You all are awesome!!!!


  1. Crappy day! :(. So, so sorry. Praying for you!

  2. So sorry for all the challenges that have been hitting you lately. As you said though, stay the course, it's all worth it if it means bringing the next member of your family home! You reminded me of one of my favorite quotes during difficulties.

    “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”― Mary Anne Radmacher

  3. Was thinking of you all last night. You are so strong and yesterday sure did suck! Glad you have a great husband!

  4. I'm so sorry to hear that your cycle has been cancelled. It is al so exhausting and defeating, but I am glad to hear that today you are doing a little better and willing to look at another time. Praying for strength and grace for each moment.

  5. Boy, you had one really rough day!! Just seeing this now, but will be praying for perseverance and courage. Both needed with infertility!


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