cycle has been canceled

Just like, it is over. I went for my lining check and blood work yesterday. I called the clinic right away to let them know that both were done and to call me in the afternoon if they had not received the results. At noon the nurse called and she had not received anything yet. So I began making calls and trying to get things done and finally the most important one, the results of my lining, was faxed and the nurse said she thought it looked good but needed to let the RE see it. She called back 20 minutes later. My lining was too thick. I just couldn't believe it. I didn't even know that was possible and it looks like this really varies between RE's. Some do not care as long as it is at least 8 (I think that is right) and others want it no thocker than 12. Mine was 16 and my RE says it is too thick.

I had a fear of this cycle being cancelled due to the test results being delayed. Or because my consent forms had not been received yet (sent them priority mail days ago and they had still not been delivered). But not once did it occur to me that my body would not cooperate. I had such a great response last time that I assumed (foolish me) that it would be the same this time. And in a way it was, just too good of a response. Darn overachieving uterus.

So I took off all of the patches yesterday and should start a period in the next 3-4 days. Once that happens we can start over. I really hope that it does start soon as if it waits too long it will mean that I need to travel during Thanksgiving which would not be fun.

I am really surprised at how hard this has hit me. It has made me take a step back and try to get my head and heart in the right place. If this can throw me off so badly what will a BFN do to me? I even prayed that it be canceled if this was not the right time. Yet when that happened I was upset. And really it is not just the delay so much as it is the extra money. Each lining check is $265 and it feels like I am just throwing money away. But without it I would have spent money on traveling and even a FET that most likely would not work. SO in a way it was a good thing. It just hurts like a bad thing.

So off to eat away my sorrows. I am baking all day today to make myself feel better. :)