Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Friday, February 17, 2012

meeting my dad tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day. I will meet my dad for the first time since he left when I was a year old. I posted a bit about it in December and I struggled with whether to actually meet him or not and finally decided that I would do it. I am not sure how I really feel about all of this. I want to hate him, yet I want to forgive him. Actually, I have forgiven him but forgetting is a different story. Through the years I contacted him, as did my mom, and he rejected me each time. He claims to have had a health scare and he is a "changed man". I want to believe it but I just don't know.

For so many years I desperately wanted my dad to want me. I romanticized him in my imagination and thought he just couldn't find me. Reality was so very different and it sucked. I finally came to a place where I accepted that put the past behind me. Now he surfaces and I have to rethink everything. I have no idea how to be a daughter to a father. I had a step dad for about 6 years but I was young and he has not been around for many years. So now I have this man that is trying to be a dad to me and I don't know how to deal with it.

The good thing about all of this is that if Maddie ever gets the chance to meet her genetic family I will understand better how she will feel about it. The nerves, the uncertainty, the trepidation. But at least she will never have to deal with the feelings of rejection I am going through as well.

If you think about it please say a prayer for me tomorrow. And I will update tomorrow evening. Thanks for all of the support, ladies!


  1. Jess, I will be thinking of you tomorrow and praying that your meeting goes well.

    I can understand the nerves, but I think the thing to focus on maybe to lessen the pressure on both of you, is to come into the meeting as just getting to know him. Maybe just try to be his friend, instead of his daughter.

    I understand the rejection of a parent. Especially from a dad, so I do hope that in the end you gain a friend and maybe just build from there depending on how things go.


  2. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes!

  3. Preying right now. Hoping it is going well.

  4. Sorry....praying. My nursing little one bumped the iPad.

  5. I hope the meeting went well! ((hugs))


I love comments! They make me feel important.