unfair choices

With the new year quickly approaching the hubby and I are discussing things that we want to do in 2011. There is obligatory "get out of debt", "lose weight" and "save money" goals that we have every year. And usually fail at. But hey, it makes me feel productive to see it written down on a list. One of our goals is to buy a house. In fact, it has been our goal every year for about 5 years. Back in 2001 we were renting a place and they owners sold it so we had to move. At that time we discusses whether we wanted to buy or rent again. We decided to compromise and bought a mobile home. My hubby travels a lot and back then I was on the road with him. It seemed silly to buy a house that we would rarely live in. And the court that we live in is super nice and very safe. Hubby never worries about leaving me home alone and I like that security. Our town is a safe area, but we are only 15 miles from one of the top cities for crime so anything is possible so the security was a huge bonus.

About 2 years after we moved here I quit traveling and we discussed buying a house. But we also wanted to adopt and felt like we could not afford both so we stayed. Two failed adoptions later we began discussing it again. We felt like to time was right and contacted a realtor and started saving money. Then I got the idea to try IUI with donor sperm. There went the down payment for a house! Who knew sperm was so expensive! After that didn't work we went back to saving for a house again. And well, that didn't last! We did EA instead and I am glad that we did!!

Now we are discussing it again. And once again we may be forced to make a choice: baby or house. If we buy a house we will have to wait until almost 2013 to do EA again. And I will be 36. Not old, but older than I would like. And if we do EA next year we will have to wait on a house. And age doesn't matter when buying a house! This whole discussion irritates me though. I hate that we have to choose. I really want a house!! My mobile home is nice and all, but it depreciates in value. Do you know how aggravating it is to put a new roof, carpets, floors and paint and many updates into a place only to have it appraise for what you owe on it. Aggravating, I tell ya!

The fact that so many people never have to consider this when making a baby makes me sad. Not sad for them, but sad for me. Sad that baby making is not fun, but a bit of an ordeal. And an expensive one at that! I mean, seriously, if I wanted to spend thousands of dollars to get pregnant I would much rather it be for a Hawaiian vacation and a sexy nightie instead of boxes of drugs and a catheter. But I keep telling myself even though it may be unfair I should be thankful that the option is even available. Maybe I should start playing the lottery............