return of the cRaZiEs!!!

Recently I posted about how I was thinking that maybe, just maybe I would get pregnant this month. That magically my hubby would develop spermies and my eggies would find their way around the blockage in my tube. Yeah, like that will happen. On Christmas Eve I was dreaming of how wonderful it would be to announce this miraculous event and thought that if I had a pregnancy test that I would take it as a sign that it was to be. Later I went to the bathroom and while sittin' on the potty I noticed something in the basket next to me. What was it? Could it be? A pregnancy test??? It was! It was! And an early detection one no less! I thought: It's a sign! After a full year of not taking a pg test there was one just sitting there, beggin to be peed on. It must be a sign of a BFP!!

But as all infertiles know there are no signs. It was a big. fat. negative. And I was fine. Really I was. Though had it been positive I would have been fine-er. After that I scolded myself for being a looney, addictive POAS-er and vowed never to do it again. Then I dug the test out of the trash just to make sure. Still nuttin'. So I learned my lesson and quit obsessin' (I rhymed!!! Man, am I cool!)

AF was due today and after 24 hours of uncomfortable cramping I put on my big girl panties (okay, maybe they were more like my PMS panties...all holey and ugly) and waited for the crimson tide. And still nothing. Except now my looney infertile self is sitting on my shoulder telling me to POAS again. I swear, I am an HPT POAS junkie!!! But I will not give in! I will not do it! Today. Maybe tomorrow. Or not. I don't know. Maybe...........