Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Friday, December 10, 2010

one for you, one for me

Let me tell you two stories, one of which is the reason for this post.

First one: Couple were married about the same time hubby and I were. Back in 2003 we had both been ttc for over 6 year. She had PCOS and clomid was not working. In 2004-ish she contracted Hep A from a Mexican restaurant. Right after treatment for it she got pregnant. I was overjoyed for her!! The doctors had no idea why she got pregnant so easily, but they think that the Hep A reset something in her body or the drugs did something. Really, they don't know. She had her daughter about the time our Abbie was born. A few months later we lost Abbie. A few months later she told me she was pregnant again. I rarely see her because she lives out of state. Actually, I haven't seen her in about 4 years but in those 4 years she has been busy. After her second child was born she got pregnant again, this time with twins. But that's not all! (said in my best infomercial voice) She had a second set of twins! All in 5 years. Yes, 6 children 5 and under. And all without medical intervention.

Second one: One their first anniversary her hubby was diagnosed with testicular cancer and in the hospital for emergency surgery. It all happened so quickly that there was not time to freeze any sperm. He had one testicle removed and had chemo. Doctors told them that they would never have children. Because she had some ovulation issues as well they used clomid to see if they could get pregnant with the few sperm he had left. She did, with a baby boy. They tried again a year later and she did, but had a miscarriage. They decided to wait awhile and recover before trying again and during that time, you guessed it! Pregnant! With twins!!! Then 5 months later, pregnant again. When that baby was 4 months old, pregnant again! Another family with 5 babies in 5 years. But I am truly happy for both of these families, though a bit jealous as well. I am big girl and can admit that!

Yesterday, couple number 2 announced that they are expecting again. Baby number 6 for them, four years after their last one was born. Again, I am happy but jealous. As I was thinking of both of these couples along with the Dug.gars and Octo.mom I began to think about how, when you are a kid, you are taught to "play fair". If you have candy you pass it out, giving one for them, one for you. I often wonder why procreation is not the same. Why doesn't God give one to the fertile families then one to an infertile one? I am not saying that these families can't have big families. Well, I question Octo.mom, but not the others. If God had taken all 14 of the crazy mom's kids, 8 of the Dugg.ars, and 2 from each of my other examples and given one each to infertile couples then 28 couples would have a baby! 28!!! And it would still leave each family with a large family.

While I do not understand His ways, I do know that they are perfect. But I may never, ever understand them. Sometimes I wish He would play our version of "fair".


  1. Who knew... All I needed was Hep A to cure my PCOS.... (sorry... that wasnt very nice). It's strange the way the world works sometimes...

  2. Wow, yeah I often wish things could be a little more fair in the same way. Today at the hospital I saw a mother who had 6 children, child protective services was involved and needless to say she is someone who will continue living off the system and not contributing to society in anyway and here my husband & I sit unable to have our own children. Life is painfully unfair & I often feel a bit of anger towards Him about all of that.

  3. I keep thinking there must be a purpose to this struggle. Maybe it is to educate others on how difficult it really is. And to remind parents to appreciate their children...I don't know... But I really do wish that He played fair as well!

  4. Well said! I wonder the same things all the time. I try not to though because it just frustrates me. I don't understand HIM, but I totally put all my trust in HIM. He knows far better than I do...He has a plan, I believe that and I'm trying to listen to His direction!


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