I have been on the PIO for one week now. Honestly, the injection itself is not bad at all. When I first saw the needle I thought that I would hyperventilate!! But now it is no biggie. It is difficult to give them to myself, though I can do it. However, I prefer to have someone else stick me when I can. What I do not like is that I am so very sore! My tummy is sore from the heparin and now my hips are killing me from the PIO injections. It makes it difficult to get comfortable in bed. I wake myself up from it and then of course I have to go to the bathroom. It makes for a very long night sometimes.
Several years ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I know, I know. All fat people say that they have a thyroid problem. But in this case it is true. Before I was diagnosed I packed on 85 pounds in one year. And I was barely eating. Hubby was sure that I was dying from cancer or something. Though cancer patients usually lose weight, he still thought the worse. It his hypochondriac nature. Once diagnosed the doctor assured me that I would drop the weight once I began the medication. Liar! But I did quit gaining weight and that was nice. I maintained my weight (with a 5-10 pound fluctuation) for several years and even went off of my meds. Then in October of 2008 I started gaining weight. Again. I started going to the gym, gave up soda and cutting back on portion size. And what did that do? Caused me to gain 20 pounds between Oct-Jan. Joy! My tests all came back normal so they would not put me back on meds. I finally got fed up and went to an endocrinologist that ran more tests and found that I have thyroid antibodies which cause the same problems of an under active thyroid. She put me back on meds and I quit putting on the weight. YAY! I have been able to maintain my weight for the past year, though I would have preferred to lose some.
Now that I am pregnant my thyroid function is very important. I wish that I would have realized just how important about 4 weeks ago. The baby does not have an operational thyroid until 12 weeks and relies completely on the mother for thyroid hormones. If I don't have a properly functioning thyroid the baby can be developmentally delayed. I had assumed that since I was on meds that I was fine. I made an appointment with my endocrinologist and had everything rechecked. My levels are too high and my dosage has been increased. I am praying that it has not been enough to have harmed the baby. I will be starting the new dosage tomorrow and the doctor will be monitoring me every few weeks throughout the pregnancy. Thankfully it was caught as it could have gone undetected for weeks.
Other than that everything is going well. I have an u/s on Tuesday and am excited to see my little bean again!!!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Telling a child how they were conceived
This is a repost of something that I posted in August. Now that I am pregnant I have begun to think about telling our child one day of their conception. We are going to be very open and honest with him/her, though age appropriate. Though I have a few years before I am faced with this discussion, I am planning it now. This post includes a fantastic story on telling a child conceived via donated embryos. I hope that it will be a help to all of other EDA momma's out there;
~~~~~~~~~~~
For you fertiles telling your children about their conception is easy. There are many options: traditional birds & bees talk, technical talk using terms like "sperm" and "fertilization", or the "when a mommy and daddy love each other" talks. The possibilities are endless. There are even books out there to help you. For us infertiles it is not so easy. Most books do not include words like Petri dish, injection and sperm wash. And it gets even trickier when you give birth to a child that has no genetic, biological relationship to you. I am a member of a Yahoo group and one of the members there has a 4 year old daughter she was blessed with through the miracle of embryo donation. She shared her story of how she explained it to her little girl and I knew that I had to share this touching story. The following is her story:
I was also struggling with how to tell my daughter (who celebrated her 4th birthday in June) about how she came to be my daughter. The question of "to tell or not to tell" was never a question for my husband and I since our daughter has a tan (native american/hispanic) skin tone and we are light skinned. Hopefully I won't offend anyone by writing this, but I do beleive that we should "tell" our children. As long as a single person besides the mother and father of a child know about the embryo adoption the possibility of the child being "told" at some point is too great to ignore. I feel that it is best if the "telling" is done by the parents in a positive way rather than by "who knows who" in "who knows what" way "who knows when". I know that is probably easier for me to say than for people who have children who like them since there was no question that I would have to "tell" my daughter. The answer of how to tell my daughter presented itself over the summer.
Our family has a "garden" of EarthBox planters on our patio. This year we planted tomatos, corn, and watermelons. Each food had its own EarthBox. My daughter had the best time planting and watering the seeds. She was so excited when they sprouted. She called each of the sprouts "tomato babies", "corn babies" and "watermelon babies". She was thrilled when the babies were "born" (bore fruit). One day when we were picking the tomatos from the tomato EarthBox, my daughter noticed a stringy vine that had grown through and wrapped itself around the tomato plants. At the end of the vine was a single half-open bud. My daughter looked back and forth between the bud and its surrounding tomato plants, then said matter of factly "Mommy, that tomato baby doesn't look like her family." "No, he sure doesn't" I replied. I'll never forget what she did next. She petted the bud gently and then attempted to hug it and said "It's okay little tomato baby , I don't look like my family too. Mommy, why don't tomato baby and me look like our family?" I froze in panic. I'd had four years to come up with a good explanation and still didn't have one. I hugged my daughter (and the "tomato baby")! and told them that I would have to think about how to say it but that I would tell them in the morning. Then I stayed up half night and prayed that the answer would come to me. It did. When my daughter woke up the next morning the first thing out of her mouth was "Did you think about the stuff to tell me and tomato baby?". After breakfast, we went out to the patio. The half-open "tomato baby" bud had bloomed into a single perfect miniature sunflower. "MOMMY !! TOMATO BABY IS SO PRETTY
!!!!". my daughter exclaimed. "AND ,AND, AND, AND, TOMATO BABY ISN'T A TOMATO BABY SHE'S A SUNFLOWER BABY. HOW IS SHE A SUNFLOWER BABY MOMMY?" I asked my daughter to look up above the tomatos and tell me what she saw.
"The birdfeeder"
"and what's inside the birdfeedeer? "
"SUNFLOWER SEEDS!!"
"Yes !!! So why do you think sunflower baby doesn't look like her family?" , I asked.
"Cause we put the tomato seeds in the tomato family EarthBox and they got big and they are tomatos and the sunflower seed went down in the tomato family Earthbox and she grew up and she's a sunflower baby." she answered.
"Yes !!! They look different because they came from different kinds of seeds. So why do you think you look different from your family?" I asked.
After a moment of intense thought she responded "Because you put a tan girl seed in your tummy, Mommy ?"
"Yes, that's exactly right , because I put a tan girl seed in my tummy."..... ......... .
Since then my daughter occasionally volunteers to people, "My mommy is white but I'm tan cause my Mommy wanted to have a girl grow in her tummy but the girl seeds in her tummy wouldn't grow good and the nice people had a pretty tan girl seed and they shared the pretty tan girl seed with my Mommy and the doctor put the seed in Mommy's tummy and I got big and I was born."
I think knowing she came from a "tan girl seed that the nice people shared with Mommy and Daddy" has made my daughter feel comfortable about who she is and how she came to be at a level that is perfect for her age. I don't know if this explanation would work for everyone, but it sure has worked for us !
~G.H.
~~~~~~~~~~~
For you fertiles telling your children about their conception is easy. There are many options: traditional birds & bees talk, technical talk using terms like "sperm" and "fertilization", or the "when a mommy and daddy love each other" talks. The possibilities are endless. There are even books out there to help you. For us infertiles it is not so easy. Most books do not include words like Petri dish, injection and sperm wash. And it gets even trickier when you give birth to a child that has no genetic, biological relationship to you. I am a member of a Yahoo group and one of the members there has a 4 year old daughter she was blessed with through the miracle of embryo donation. She shared her story of how she explained it to her little girl and I knew that I had to share this touching story. The following is her story:
I was also struggling with how to tell my daughter (who celebrated her 4th birthday in June) about how she came to be my daughter. The question of "to tell or not to tell" was never a question for my husband and I since our daughter has a tan (native american/hispanic) skin tone and we are light skinned. Hopefully I won't offend anyone by writing this, but I do beleive that we should "tell" our children. As long as a single person besides the mother and father of a child know about the embryo adoption the possibility of the child being "told" at some point is too great to ignore. I feel that it is best if the "telling" is done by the parents in a positive way rather than by "who knows who" in "who knows what" way "who knows when". I know that is probably easier for me to say than for people who have children who like them since there was no question that I would have to "tell" my daughter. The answer of how to tell my daughter presented itself over the summer.
Our family has a "garden" of EarthBox planters on our patio. This year we planted tomatos, corn, and watermelons. Each food had its own EarthBox. My daughter had the best time planting and watering the seeds. She was so excited when they sprouted. She called each of the sprouts "tomato babies", "corn babies" and "watermelon babies". She was thrilled when the babies were "born" (bore fruit). One day when we were picking the tomatos from the tomato EarthBox, my daughter noticed a stringy vine that had grown through and wrapped itself around the tomato plants. At the end of the vine was a single half-open bud. My daughter looked back and forth between the bud and its surrounding tomato plants, then said matter of factly "Mommy, that tomato baby doesn't look like her family." "No, he sure doesn't" I replied. I'll never forget what she did next. She petted the bud gently and then attempted to hug it and said "It's okay little tomato baby , I don't look like my family too. Mommy, why don't tomato baby and me look like our family?" I froze in panic. I'd had four years to come up with a good explanation and still didn't have one. I hugged my daughter (and the "tomato baby")! and told them that I would have to think about how to say it but that I would tell them in the morning. Then I stayed up half night and prayed that the answer would come to me. It did. When my daughter woke up the next morning the first thing out of her mouth was "Did you think about the stuff to tell me and tomato baby?". After breakfast, we went out to the patio. The half-open "tomato baby" bud had bloomed into a single perfect miniature sunflower. "MOMMY !! TOMATO BABY IS SO PRETTY
!!!!". my daughter exclaimed. "AND ,AND, AND, AND, TOMATO BABY ISN'T A TOMATO BABY SHE'S A SUNFLOWER BABY. HOW IS SHE A SUNFLOWER BABY MOMMY?" I asked my daughter to look up above the tomatos and tell me what she saw.
"The birdfeeder"
"and what's inside the birdfeedeer? "
"SUNFLOWER SEEDS!!"
"Yes !!! So why do you think sunflower baby doesn't look like her family?" , I asked.
"Cause we put the tomato seeds in the tomato family EarthBox and they got big and they are tomatos and the sunflower seed went down in the tomato family Earthbox and she grew up and she's a sunflower baby." she answered.
"Yes !!! They look different because they came from different kinds of seeds. So why do you think you look different from your family?" I asked.
After a moment of intense thought she responded "Because you put a tan girl seed in your tummy, Mommy ?"
"Yes, that's exactly right , because I put a tan girl seed in my tummy."..... ......... .
Since then my daughter occasionally volunteers to people, "My mommy is white but I'm tan cause my Mommy wanted to have a girl grow in her tummy but the girl seeds in her tummy wouldn't grow good and the nice people had a pretty tan girl seed and they shared the pretty tan girl seed with my Mommy and the doctor put the seed in Mommy's tummy and I got big and I was born."
I think knowing she came from a "tan girl seed that the nice people shared with Mommy and Daddy" has made my daughter feel comfortable about who she is and how she came to be at a level that is perfect for her age. I don't know if this explanation would work for everyone, but it sure has worked for us !
~G.H.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I am crazy high!
Okay, not me, per se, but my numbers!!! I had another BETA yesterday to make sure that my HCG numbers were doubling. They needed to be at least 160,000. The nurse said that she didn't have them in front of her but that they were "crazy high" and well over 200, 000. WOOT! And to be on the safe side I have to go in next Monday for another ultrasound. A part of me is super excited to see my little bean again, maybe this time with some definition. But I really wish that this was not necessary. Hopefully after this appointment I can relax and just be a "normal" patient.
An update on my forum friend from a previous post:
Well, that is all for now! I will update again once I learn more!
An update on my forum friend from a previous post:
Great News! :-) I got to come home...I'm now resting comfortably on my couch with my two loving little poodles. Ok now for baby news: There is still no fluid around baby but that was expected..I go back in a week for another ultrasound and we'll see where we stand as far as fluid goes. As for now baby is still growing and heartbeat is strong!
I am so glad that the baby is hanging on! I have wondered how the baby could survive without fluid, as I am sure many of you have wondered as well. Really, I don't know. Another forum friend found this article and though it does not explain any of it, it surely does give you hope that this little one can make it. Here is a link to the article: http://www.birthstories.com/stories/complicated-pregnancy/no-amniotic-fluid-after-12-weeks-i-survived-6835/ It really is an amazing story!!Well, that is all for now! I will update again once I learn more!
Monday, January 25, 2010
food swings
We have all heard of MOOD swings, probably experienced them a time or two. But I am having FOOD swings! One minute I am craving a piece of cake. mmm.....cake! Before I can satisfy that craving I get distracted my pickles. Before I finish one I am wanting a grilled cheese. I went grocery shopping today to get some veggies and healthy cereal. I ended up buying that and more. But I didn't buy cake!! So now I am sitting here craving a piece of cake.
My doctor told me to maintain my weight (stupid skinny doctor!!!). So I am trying to eat somewhat healthy. I don't care for chocolate so that is a help.But I like cake! I used to never like cake but now I love it! On Saturday I made cupcakes for junior church. Throughout the day I ate one. Okay two. Okay, okay! I confess! It was three. Don't judge me!!! Then on Sunday I had one of the leftover ones during church. Then I had one on the way home. I went to my mom's house to dispose of the rest of them so that wouldn't eat them all. Well, all but one of them. I took one home with me and saved it for dessert. Way to maintain my weight!!!
If anyone mentions a food I want it! I hate commercials now. I sit here and salivate over the food. I am such an addict! The first few weeks I had no appetite. If only I could go back to those days. Now I think that I am going to go eat a pickle. And some CAKE!
My doctor told me to maintain my weight (stupid skinny doctor!!!). So I am trying to eat somewhat healthy. I don't care for chocolate so that is a help.But I like cake! I used to never like cake but now I love it! On Saturday I made cupcakes for junior church. Throughout the day I ate one. Okay two. Okay, okay! I confess! It was three. Don't judge me!!! Then on Sunday I had one of the leftover ones during church. Then I had one on the way home. I went to my mom's house to dispose of the rest of them so that wouldn't eat them all. Well, all but one of them. I took one home with me and saved it for dessert. Way to maintain my weight!!!
If anyone mentions a food I want it! I hate commercials now. I sit here and salivate over the food. I am such an addict! The first few weeks I had no appetite. If only I could go back to those days. Now I think that I am going to go eat a pickle. And some CAKE!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Three more weeks!!!!!
Just three more weeks until my 2nd trimester begins!!! WOO HOO!!! At the beginning of this pregnancy I did not want it to speed by at all. This may be the only time that I am pregnant and I want to enjoy every moment of it, the good and the bad. But after spotting and having a scare I want to enter the "safety zone". Okay, there really is no "safe" time, just a reduced risk of complications. I will breathe easier once I cross that milestone.
Another awesome thing about week 12 is that I can quit all of the medications and injections! Can I get a WOOT WOOT?!?!? My hips and belly are so very sore!!! Sleeping is not comfortable at all. Clothing is uncomfortable. And if something bumps me, yowzers! Once I quit all of these expensive medications I can start purchasing baby stuff! I can't wait!!! Come on week 12!!!!!!!!!
Another awesome thing about week 12 is that I can quit all of the medications and injections! Can I get a WOOT WOOT?!?!? My hips and belly are so very sore!!! Sleeping is not comfortable at all. Clothing is uncomfortable. And if something bumps me, yowzers! Once I quit all of these expensive medications I can start purchasing baby stuff! I can't wait!!! Come on week 12!!!!!!!!!
My heart is heavy
A woman that I know through a forum is heavy on my heart right now. She has had several miscarriages and then last year lost her son at @ 22 weeks. Her water broke and he tried to hold on, but he was born too early and lived only a short time. She was able to conceive again and is currently 15 weeks. She is now in the hospital and may lose this baby as well. She had a severe allergic reaction to insulin last night which caused her body to go into anaphylactic shock. By the time the ambulance got to her house she was totally unconscious with no bp and no pulse. The shock caused everything in her body to shut down including baby functioning stuff. The baby went into shock and her water broke. She is stable now and the baby's heart is still strong but they won't know about the fluid until later.
I can't imagine what she is going through right now! Because of previous losses she has been taking every precaution. Everything has been going so well. This was a complete shock. Please pray for her and her little one. I will update once I know more.
I can't imagine what she is going through right now! Because of previous losses she has been taking every precaution. Everything has been going so well. This was a complete shock. Please pray for her and her little one. I will update once I know more.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
A Fertile Infertile??
I have lived so many years as an infertile that it has become second nature. I had always dreamed of being a "fertile" but never truly believed that it would happen. I always imagined that the the day I saw 2 pink lines that I would magically morph into a fertile woman, free of the hindrances of infertily. Now I know that that was all a delusion. There is no switch that is flipped when you become pregnant. You are just now living between two separate worlds. I guess I would classify myself and a fertile infertile.
On one hand I am elated at being part of the "in crowd", the mommy crowd. The secret society. On the other hand I still feel the pain and separation that infertility brings along. Many times I find myself looking away when a woman passes me carrying a child. I have to remind myself that it is okay to look. I also have to tell myself that walking through the baby aisle will now be the norm for me, something which I have avoided for many years.
I want to embrace this new chapter of my life yet I want to hold tight to the previous one. The chapters of infertility will never be truly over as the scars it has left behind run deep. And I love those scars. I am not ashamed of them. I earned them!! A woman that has beaten breast cancer feels no need for shame. A soldier that loses a limb fighting for his country holds his head high. Why do infertiles feel shame for their battle scars? I have spent many years trying to educate the fertile world of the trials of infertility and the need to recognize the pain and suffering associated with it. My wounds are a testimony to all that I have been through and I am darn proud of who I have become! I would not be who I am today, where I am today had it not for this journey.
For those still in the trenches, take time to learn from it. For those that have crossed over, reach out to those still waiting. Help them through the valleys. And no matter where you are in the journey, embrace what God has for you!
On one hand I am elated at being part of the "in crowd", the mommy crowd. The secret society. On the other hand I still feel the pain and separation that infertility brings along. Many times I find myself looking away when a woman passes me carrying a child. I have to remind myself that it is okay to look. I also have to tell myself that walking through the baby aisle will now be the norm for me, something which I have avoided for many years.
I want to embrace this new chapter of my life yet I want to hold tight to the previous one. The chapters of infertility will never be truly over as the scars it has left behind run deep. And I love those scars. I am not ashamed of them. I earned them!! A woman that has beaten breast cancer feels no need for shame. A soldier that loses a limb fighting for his country holds his head high. Why do infertiles feel shame for their battle scars? I have spent many years trying to educate the fertile world of the trials of infertility and the need to recognize the pain and suffering associated with it. My wounds are a testimony to all that I have been through and I am darn proud of who I have become! I would not be who I am today, where I am today had it not for this journey.
For those still in the trenches, take time to learn from it. For those that have crossed over, reach out to those still waiting. Help them through the valleys. And no matter where you are in the journey, embrace what God has for you!
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