Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Where'd ya go?

Do you ever log into Blogger and notice that you have lost a follower? Do you ever wonder where they went? Why they quit following? I do! I lost one recently and I am not sure why. I doubt that it was anything that I posted because it was during a week that I had not posted anything new. I knew that "crossing over" to the "fertile side" would cost me a few peeps. Those I understand. I am a Christian and some of my posts may have been offensive to those that are not. I get that. I don't apologize, but I get it. It is the random ones that fall off that I wonder about. But then I think of the blogs that I quit following and I wonder if they wonder where I went.

I used to follow almost any blog but I was missing updates amidst all of the clutter. Now I have a few guidelines to help me choose who to follow. First, I almost always follow anyone pursuing EA. It is near and dear to my heart and I want to show my support. Second, I follow those that make me laugh. Third, I follow bloggers needing support whether from loss, failed treatments, or disrupted adoption. Lastly, I try to follow those with few followers.

As for choosing who I will no longer follow I have a few guidelines for that as well. I have quit following bloggers that use a lot of profanity. I don't mean having a bad day and posting a few wirty dords (remember saying that as a kid?? =D ) but those that let the F-bomb fly will usually be dropped. I also don't follow someone that is blatantly anti-God. Not everyone I follow is a Christian and that is fine, but I don't follow someone posting offensive things about my Lord.

A few other reasons I might quit following bloggers: they rarely post updates, their blog is difficult to read (small white font on a dark background for one), or they are no longer posting about infertility and I find myself not reading them any longer. Every time I quit following someone I feel guilty, though it is not personal. I am sure that many of them never even notice, but I still feel bad.

Do you ever quit following someone? Why? Do you feel bad about it? And how do you choose who to follow?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

7 months!


Man, time sure does fly!! My little bitty baby is now a big, mobile girl. She is crawling all over the place!! It is crazy what she can get into. She is also sitting up by herself though she does wobble from time to time. She is now getting her fourth tooth as well. Though it is cute to see the teeth, the process to get them is so not fun!! She is crabby with a capital C.

Last night I was holding her and she fell asleep. I looked down and the tears started to flow. I still am amazed that we finally have a baby to call our own. It still seems so unreal to me. I love this little girl and enjoy each and every moment with her. She is such a delight and a joy!

Monday, March 28, 2011

scrambleed eggs..... in the hoonie??

When you have a child you say and do things that you never thought possible. These little creatures are into everything!! I am constantly telling Maddie "No, no, we don't lick the dog." or "Maddie, please don't put the cat fur in your mouth." And then there are the boogers you have to dig out, poopy foot prints you have to dodge and every random item you have to fish out of their mouths. Kids are kinda nasty!!! Today I had to dig scrambled eggs out of Maddie's hoonie. And her bum crack. I am sure you are now wondering how this happened, so let me enlighten you.

I was getting ready to feed her scrambled eggs and because she is the messiest eater I stripped her down to her diaper. Of course it was then that I noticed poo coming out the diaper and had to go and change her. She currently has a yeast infection from her antibiotics so I had the bright idea of allowing her to eat naked. I laid a towel down on her high chair and let her go to town. What I did not consider was the fact that the eggs would fall in her lap. And her lap was, well, naked. So the eggs found there way into every crack and crevice. Pun intended! So when we were finished I had to dig eggs out of places that I never thought that I would ever see eggs. Or any food for that matter. Good times! Good time!

While she was eating I was able to get a few cute photos. She sure does love to eat eggs!!


This one I absolutely love:


I then edited it a bit with an app on my phone:


Friday, March 25, 2011

Big Girl Panties

Being an adult means doing things we do not necessarily like to do. This is one of those times. Some background:

My sister has a best friend since elementary school. A few years ago this friend, T, began dating my brother. Both my brother and T have a child from a previous relationship. T had her son at 17 and my sister has always purchased him a Christmas and birthday gift every year. Once T and my brother began dating we all treated them like family, including them and buying gifts for holidays as well. Sadly, T and her family have not done the same for my niece. They even went so far to get angry at us for not buying T's son as much for his birthday (their birthdays are days apart) as we did for our niece, yet they did not even get my niece a card let alone a gift.

My sister and T are still friends but not as close. When my sister had her baby 18 months ago T did not get her a shower gift and it was 7 months before she even saw the baby. She did not attend my shower, did not get Maddie a gift and has yet to even see Maddie. T makes not effort to be a part of our family. She even stayed home to nap on Christmas and did not stop in at all to see us. My brother came alone and then later went with her to see her family.

Now my brother and T are expecting a baby. Go figure!! You wanna hear the kicker?? She found out when she went in to get her tubes tied! T is not the maternal type and does not like kids (by her own admission). She is having a baby shower in a week. I think that I am invited though I never received an invitation. T told my sister to tell me about it. So I am supposed to attend this shower that I am unsure of the exact time or location, purchase a gift, and smile and be happy about it?? I realize that it is for my niece and I have no problem buying anything for her, but doing anything at all to acknowledge the carrier of this miracle just irks me to no end!!! I would not even attend except my mom is going and does not want to go alone. I would go with other family but they were not even invited. So I have to put on my big girl panties and attend this shower. Bleh!!! Sometimes I wish that I was a kid again nd then I could throw a temper tantrum and not go.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

RSV and her 5th ear infection


I have MIA lately because Maddie has been keeping me super busy. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with an infection in both of her ears. This was her 4th one and by far the worst one. The doctor gave her a stronger antibiotic and within a few days she was feeling like her old self. Last Thursday, the last day of her antibiotic, she was acting funny again so I took her in just in case. I was so happy to hear that she was perfectly healthy!

On Friday night she slept horribly. I mean really bad!!! It took 10 hours for either of us to get 5 hours of sleep. She never slept more than 2 hours at any given time. On Saturday night hubby was going to get up with her so I could sleep. I had a full day planned on Sunday and really needed my rest. So what does Maddie do? She slept! For 12 straight hours!!!! It was great for me, but why couldn't she do that on a night when it was my turn to get up?!?!?

Sunday morning she woke up in a great mood. Sunday afternoon I noticed that she had a runny nose, but it was clear so I thought nothing of it. She spent the afternoon with our pastor and his wife and when we got her back that evening she was tired but seemed fine. After evening service she was sound asleep (which is unusual for her) and woke on the way home. I knew that she was sick then. She was glassy eyed. She had a fever of 101. I thought, here we go again....another ear infection!

Monday she began coughing but it was not too bad. We were giving her Tylenol and Motrin throughout the day and both nights had the humidifier running. She woke up Tuesday the same. I called to make her an appointment but the doctor was out that day so I made it for today (Wednesday). I laid her down for a nap and an hour later she woke up and I knew something was wrong. Her breathing just didn't sound right. I was planning on waiting until her appointment but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong so we took her the Urgent Care. As soon as the doctor walked in she said that she did not like the sound of her breathing at all. They took her for x-rays immediately and praise God she does not have pneumonia!! But she does have a bad case of RSV and is on breathing treatments every 4 hours. She also has another ear infection and is on an antibiotic. And a steroid for the RSV.

She is doing better and as long as we keep up with her breathing treatments. If we miss them at all she sounds wheezy. Next week we see an ENT to discuss tubes. I am excited about this!!! At first I was scared but after being on antibiotics for 50 days over the past 4 months we are ready for tubes!

So that catches you up on where I have been. I hope to get back to blogging regularly soon.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Bitten by the Baby Bug!

Sunday night we were watching Arm.y Wives. I lurve that show!! Seriously, it is awesome! On the show a couple that had suffered SI for over 18 years had a baby girl. This season the baby is a few months old, younger than our Maddie. While watching it hubby commented about how cute the baby was and how small she was. Later I heard him ask Maddie is she wanted a baby brother. How cute is that?? He has officially bitten by the baby bug. I was bitten on the way home from the hospital after delivering Maddie, but hubby has been content with the three of us. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it being the three of us and if God wants it to remain this way I will be content. It won't be easy as I want more children, but I can be very happy as a family of three.

I am so happy that hubby is wanting another baby. He has wanted a baby since we were first married, but he never had the burning desire that I have had. Having Maddie showed him what we were missing and he wants that. He wants a big family. And not just big people in the family, but a lot of people in the family. Thought I should clarify. ;-)

While we are both on the same page about being ready for another one, we are definitely not ready financially. It angers me that it is just a matter of a few thousand dollars standing between me and another baby. But then I remind myself that it is all in His timing and His timing was perfect for Maddie and it will be again if we are to have another one. Now to learn how to trust and rest. Not easy! Not easy at all!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Gift to Many

I think that we can all agree that a child is a gift. I believe that we are all blessed regardless of whether or not we ever have a child and a child is an added blessing or bonus. Why He chooses not to allow some to have a child or make many wait for years I will never understand, but He does. Maddie has been a gift to me and my hubby. A wonderful gift. But what I never realized was that she is not for us alone. She was given as gift to many.

In our church there are a few couples that never had children. Three of them in fact. And our congregation is only about 200 people. All of these couples are now past child bearing years and none of them really ooh and aah over babies. They work nursery and children's ministries, but they are not usually surrounded by littles. I can understand that. They are at the age that they should be grandparents and are feeling the sting as yet another group passes them by. But with Maddie it is different. They all love Maddie. I think that part of it is that they understand just what we went through. Another part is that Maddie is very loving and friendly. Whereas most babies are shy around people she wants the attention. Last week one of these ladies took her to show her hubby Maddie's pretty dress (and she was looking pretty cute if I do say so myself!). While she was holding her Maddie put her tiny thumb in her mouth and laid her head on this woman's shoulder, content as can be. I saw them just melt and it was then that I saw Maddie through their eyes. During our years of infertility there were a few babies that helped to ease the pain of childlessness. Maddie is doing this for them and has done that for the other couples as well. My Maddie is a gift to them as well. Maybe, for just a moment, Maddie can fill that void left by infertility. And after all that we went through I am blessed to be able to share her with others.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A Bad Hair Day


Maddie had her EEG last week. The test itself was painless but you would have thought that we were torturing the poor child. She does not care to be restrained. At all! I ain't nevah heard screamin' like that before! She feel asleep crying and even sobbed in her sleep. It broke my mommy heart. They observed her for 30 minutes while sleeping and then they did a flashing light test. She thought it was a camera flash and giggled during that one. Thankfully there was no visible evidence of seizures and now we are just waiting for the results, which I should have tomorrow.

After the test they removed the electrodes the gel caused her hair to stand straight up. I couldn't resist a photo. My 8 year old niece was with is and she took this photo with me holding her and trying to stay out of the photo, though it is not easy being a big girl and all.


Just seeing her like this was sad. Not so much for me because this was temporary and painless. It made em sad for the mommas that have sick babies. A good friend of mine is currently with her 10 month old in the hospital. Her baby had brain surgery last week and had a large portion of her brain removed due to a disease that causes severe seizures. Seeing your little one having to go through testing and procedures is heart breaking. Some mommas have to deal with it all of the time. It makes me appreciate health so much more and pray for those with health issues even more.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

If I were a fertile....

*I would probably be one of those that give advice out like it's candy.

*We would be discussing whether or not to have a fourth child right now.

*My oldest would be getting ready to turn 12 years old.

*I would have no clue when I ovulated.

*Terms like charting, RE, OPK, IUI and HSG would be foreign to me.

*I would be worried about saving for my children's college instead of their conception.

*I would be a "mommy blogger" instead of an "infertile blogger".

*I would be too busy to even blog.

If I were a fertile I wouldn't have had Maddie and that is just sad! She would have been born to another couple and there is just no room in my mind to even comprehend the thought. The years of infertility were awful. I hated it!! And I am still living it, just in a different way. But had we not gone through each and every step Maddie would not be mine and she is worth every sad step of the way.

Fundaraiser for Baby Cami

For those of you that have followed Cami's journey you may know that she is ready to come home but her family needs just under $2000 for the medical equipment needed for her care. (For those of you unfamiliar with her story you can find it here: One Day at a Time ) If they do not raise this money they will be spending a small fortune in gas to go to and from home and the hospital just to be with Cami. The family had been staying in the Ronald McDonald House and they are no longer able to stay there and have to go home. They live 50 miles from the hospital and with gas at almost $3.50 a gallon you can well imagine how expensive this will be. Being at home also means that they will have an hour to drive if there is an emergency with Cami. All they want is to bring Cami home!! And all that stands in their way is money.

How can you help? Well, there are 3 ways that you can help:

1. Donate directly to them on their ChipIn account (found on their blog, link above)

2. Donate something for a fundraiser being done for them. You can find that info here: Fundraiser for Cami If you do not have anything to donate but know someone that does, ask them to donate.

3. Get the word out. Repost this on your blog. The more people that know the more that can help.

And last but not least, pray for baby Cami and her family. This baby is such a fighter!!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Six months old!

My little Maddie is now 6 months old! Where has the time gone?? There are still times that I am in awe and shock that we actually have a baby in the house. It amazes me how much I love this little girl. She is such a wonderful blessing and addition to our family.

She is growing so fast! There are days that this makes me sad. We waited so long for a baby and the baby stage is passing too quickly for me. She is rolling all over the place and trying to sit up. She has 2 teeth and not shy about showing them off. She is a big girl and wearing 12 month clothes and size 3 shoes. She has huge feet!!! The donor father is 6' 3" and I think that Maddie will be tall like him. Her hair is dark and really growing. She can actually wear a bow in her hair now instead of on a headband, though we still do the headbands with ginormous bows.

My favorite thing that she is doing now is that she gives kisses. Wet, slobbery open mouth kisses. I love it!! And because I know you wanna see some cuteness here are some photos for you: