One of the things that I worried about when I was pregnant with Maddie was if it would be odd to not only give birth but to parent a child not genetically mine. Would I see characteristics in her that were glaringly obvious to belong to another family? Would she look so different from us that we would wonder who these other people were all of the time? Would her genetics be a part of our daily life? Maddie is now 3 1/2 years old and I can only laugh at some of those thoughts.
Parenting a child born via embryo donation/adoption is, well, parenting. Normal, every day parenting. Maddie just happens to look just like us. It is almost eery how much she looks like us and hubby's family. She even resembles her aunt's baby pictures. And by living with us she acts just like us. Actually, more like hubby then anything. We are both sarcastic and crack jokes a lot. Maddie does too. She has sarcasm down to a science. She makes songs about everything which is something that hubby does all of the time. Its actually annoying when he does it but she is too cute. Hubby is deaf in one ear and often says "Huh? What? What did you say?". Unfortunately Maddie does this too. But it is more "Huh? What you say? Say it again, mommy". I could go on and on and on. No matter her origins she has morphed into us. Poor kid!!! lol
There are times though that I will see something that makes me wonder where it came from. One of which is her love of horses. We don't have a love of farms and farm animals. Don't get me wrong, I like animals and all, but I have no dreams to be a farmer's wife. But Maddie loves horses. She has a few plastic toy ones that she constantly plays with. She also rides a broom like a horse. She adores them. I know little about her genetic family, but I do know that they and their extended family have a lot of property and a farm about 2 hours south of us. I believe that she gets her love of animals and horses from them. Instead of this making me sad, reminding me that she is not genetically mine, it makes me smile. I love that she has that from them. I love them for giving her a start in life and giving us the chance to be parents. My only thoughts of them are those of gratitude.
My daily life with Maddie rarely consists of thoughts of her conception. I do think of the wonder of it often, but usually I am just too busy telling her to get clothes on or to quit making a mess to even think about it. Yesterday Maddie told me "Mommy, I am marvelous!". And you know what? She is! She really is! Her genetic parents are marvelous. Her conception is marvelous. And loving her is marvelous. She is just your average toddler and parenting her is truly marvelous.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Tomorrow is her birthday (failed adoption)
In 2003 we were contacted about a woman that was pregnant and going to abort. After talking to us she decided to allow us to adopt. In March of 2004 that fell apart and we said that we would not ever try adoption again. A few months later we were contacted about keeping a baby while the mother was in prison, kind of like a foster care situation. We were 99% certain that this was not for us. We agreed to talk to the mother on the phone and were honest with her, that were were looking to adopt, not foster, but agreed to pray about it. We asked for a week to make our decision. A few days later she called back asking us to adopt. She had a 7 year sentence for statutory rape (Abbie's father was 14 when the 'relationship' started, mother was in mid 30's) and did not think that it was fair to ask someone to keep her for that long. If we chose not to adopt her she would go to foster care. We agreed to adopt and began the home study process and met with a lawyer (this was in September). Things were moving forward until the mother learned that she had a parole hearing in January, right around the time the baby was due. So a few days before Thanksgiving she said that she needed more time. We knew that she was reconsidering because she might get out. We understood that. But we also knew that her chances of parole were almost zero. So on January 11th, 2005 we decided to proceed, hoping and praying that she would either be released and we would only have the baby for a short time, or that she would remain in prison and allow us to adopt.
In late January she was denied parole yet refused to allow the adoption. She was using us and we knew it. We loved this little girl to pieces but knew that we could not keep her. We had her for 2 months when we issued the ultimatum: find Abbie a new home or allow us to adopt. There was a local religious group that did foster care for the prisoners and she had contacted them prior to us and none of their families had been willing to take Abbie due to the length of the prison stay. She contacted them again and they found one family willing to take her. We had lost. My heart was shattered. Yet I knew that it was the right decision. The mother spent 6 years in prison, getting out when Abbie was 5 1/2 years old. Over 5 years living with one family and visiting your mother on the weekends in prison, then ripped out of that family and placed with your birth family at 5 years old. How is that healthy? Its not. But it wasn't our decision to make.
The year after we lost Abbie was a dark year. The good part of it was that while in the process of trying to adopt her, our church began to provide health insurance for us. My infertility issues and thyroid problems had made it extremely difficult to be self insured. Hubby is self employed (in ministry) so there was not a work option for us. Since we needed insurance in order to adopt this was an answer to prayer. It also allowed us to begin the long, arduous journey of infertility diagnosis. We had some prior testing, but not much. So once Abbie was gone we began to jump into the infertility game and though it was a long 4 years it led us to embryo adoption. It led us to Maddie. And now Olivia. But no matter what a piece of my heart belongs to Abbie. I wonder what she looks like. I wonder if she is well taken care of. I wonder if her father has ever tried to see her. I wonder if she suffers from her mother's decisions. And most of all I pray for her to know Jesus one day.
Happy Birthday, my sweet Abbie. May Jesus watch over you and keep you safe. And may one day you know that you have a "mom and dad" that love you even if we cannot see or hold you.
In late January she was denied parole yet refused to allow the adoption. She was using us and we knew it. We loved this little girl to pieces but knew that we could not keep her. We had her for 2 months when we issued the ultimatum: find Abbie a new home or allow us to adopt. There was a local religious group that did foster care for the prisoners and she had contacted them prior to us and none of their families had been willing to take Abbie due to the length of the prison stay. She contacted them again and they found one family willing to take her. We had lost. My heart was shattered. Yet I knew that it was the right decision. The mother spent 6 years in prison, getting out when Abbie was 5 1/2 years old. Over 5 years living with one family and visiting your mother on the weekends in prison, then ripped out of that family and placed with your birth family at 5 years old. How is that healthy? Its not. But it wasn't our decision to make.
The year after we lost Abbie was a dark year. The good part of it was that while in the process of trying to adopt her, our church began to provide health insurance for us. My infertility issues and thyroid problems had made it extremely difficult to be self insured. Hubby is self employed (in ministry) so there was not a work option for us. Since we needed insurance in order to adopt this was an answer to prayer. It also allowed us to begin the long, arduous journey of infertility diagnosis. We had some prior testing, but not much. So once Abbie was gone we began to jump into the infertility game and though it was a long 4 years it led us to embryo adoption. It led us to Maddie. And now Olivia. But no matter what a piece of my heart belongs to Abbie. I wonder what she looks like. I wonder if she is well taken care of. I wonder if her father has ever tried to see her. I wonder if she suffers from her mother's decisions. And most of all I pray for her to know Jesus one day.
Happy Birthday, my sweet Abbie. May Jesus watch over you and keep you safe. And may one day you know that you have a "mom and dad" that love you even if we cannot see or hold you.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Over halfway there :)
It is so hard to believe that Olivia will be here in 18 weeks. Whoa! It doesn't seem like I am that far along. I feel her move now so it is real to me, but I am not showing much yet so I tend to forget at times. I also feel fantastic which is nice. My migraines have finally subsided which is wonderful. They were so much worse this time and I was scared they would last the entire pregnancy.
Next week I have another u/s. During my previous anatomy scan they could not get a good look at the heart so we will have a look see next week. I am excited since she will be bigger and hopefully get a good picture this time. Then the 3rd week of January I have my glucose test. And around that time I will have reached viability. I will be very happy to reach that mark. Having had pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy I am nervous about having it again. It hit last time at 34 weeks and the possibility exists that it will happen again and maybe even earlier. My BP has remained steady and normal which is good, but it did last time as well. I will just be glad to get past 24 weeks and every week thereafter.
This week we begin cleaning out the office/storage/spare/craft room. It is a daunting task!! But I want it finished by the beginning of April just to be sure that it is finished before Olivia makes her appearance. I have her bedding set and know how the room will be painted. I am trying to decide whether to sell my dark furniture and buy white or just keep it. I would prefer white but don't really want to hassle of changing it all. We shall see.
We have most of the big items that we need except a car seat and I want a sit and stand stroller. Maddie will be almost 4 when Olivia is born and while she won't need a stroller often it will be nice to have one that she can use as well. Other than that we have most everything. It is starting to get real here, peeps!!!!
I hope that everyone is doing well. And for those getting ready to cycle I pray that you all have great success.
Next week I have another u/s. During my previous anatomy scan they could not get a good look at the heart so we will have a look see next week. I am excited since she will be bigger and hopefully get a good picture this time. Then the 3rd week of January I have my glucose test. And around that time I will have reached viability. I will be very happy to reach that mark. Having had pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy I am nervous about having it again. It hit last time at 34 weeks and the possibility exists that it will happen again and maybe even earlier. My BP has remained steady and normal which is good, but it did last time as well. I will just be glad to get past 24 weeks and every week thereafter.
This week we begin cleaning out the office/storage/spare/craft room. It is a daunting task!! But I want it finished by the beginning of April just to be sure that it is finished before Olivia makes her appearance. I have her bedding set and know how the room will be painted. I am trying to decide whether to sell my dark furniture and buy white or just keep it. I would prefer white but don't really want to hassle of changing it all. We shall see.
We have most of the big items that we need except a car seat and I want a sit and stand stroller. Maddie will be almost 4 when Olivia is born and while she won't need a stroller often it will be nice to have one that she can use as well. Other than that we have most everything. It is starting to get real here, peeps!!!!
I hope that everyone is doing well. And for those getting ready to cycle I pray that you all have great success.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Not much to report
Things are quiet around here. Baby Olivia is doing well and I am feeling more and more movement. Maddie is telling everyone that will listen about her sister. She also tries to look into my belly button to see her. LOL She claims that she can actually see her which is cute. My last OB appointment went well. I am still slightly anemic and have to take iron (yuck!!) but my BP was good which is a blessing (I have had issues in the past). I am trying to keep my stress down which is not easy with a 3 year old (Maddie) and my 2 year old terror of a niece. She is quite the handful. I am trying to decide when to stop watching her. As I listen to the two of them fight and scream I think that this week is a good week to stop. I love the child but she is aggressive and Maddie is passive and the fighting gets old very quickly.
We are ready for Christmas around here. The tree is up and we have most of Maddie's gifts purchased. She is super excited for Santa this year which is fun. We are also doing Elf on the Shelf but she is not as interested in that this year. After so many sad Christmases I must say, it is nice to enjoy them again. Not that Christmas is just for kids, but the sadness of infertility doesn't overshadow it like it used to.
We are ready for Christmas around here. The tree is up and we have most of Maddie's gifts purchased. She is super excited for Santa this year which is fun. We are also doing Elf on the Shelf but she is not as interested in that this year. After so many sad Christmases I must say, it is nice to enjoy them again. Not that Christmas is just for kids, but the sadness of infertility doesn't overshadow it like it used to.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Baby unBump
As of today I am 16 weeks. (yay!) I am four weeks away from the halfway point. It is hard to believe as it feels like yesterday that I was in FL. I am feeling great now that my migraines have finally subsided. I am not as tired and I have more of an appetite too. I don't even feel pregnant. And I don't look pregnant either.
For the skinny chicks reading this here is a fat girl anatomy lesson. There are 3 kinds of belly shapes we chubbies can have: D shape (rounded), B shaped (with an indent in the middle making it into the shape of, well, a B) and an apron belly (the worst of them all, it is a hanging belly, like that of wearing an apron). With Maddie I had a B belly. It sucked! But about this time in the pregnancy she had pushed all of my fat up and I could wear the right clothes and 'look' pregnant. My B essentially became more of a P then. I lamented the fact that I didn't have a cute bump back then. But my lovely blogger buddies assured me that I would round out and I did. At about 32 weeks.
With this being my second pregnancy I was excited to show sooner. And maybe have a nice, rounded out D. Because "they" say you show sooner. And "they" say that you get bigger the second time around. Well, what do "they" know? NOTHING!!! "They" know nothing at all. I started this pregnancy 15 pounds less than the previous one but with still a B belly but with an added, albeit small, apron belly (darn you, c-section!!). Little Olivia is hanging out very low. Maddie was higher. So I just look fat. Well, fatter. There is no fat being pushed up, no hint at rounding out. At all. I just can't suck my fat in anymore. And because of my B belly I can't wear fitted or ruched tops to help give me that rounded look. Do you know how hard it is to find winter tops that cover my belly but don't just look baggy and huge? Very hard!!! My regular clothes are too snug and I need maternity, but I am limited on what I can wear. Being fat sucks!!! I know, I know! I should have lost weight before I got pregnant again. I get it. And if it wasn't so freaking hard I would have. Actually, I did. I lost 15 pounds. It took months of hard work to do even that. Thank you Hashimoto's and hypothyroidism. I really appreciate that you hold onto my fat cells so tightly. Like BFFs.
And to add insult to injury I have an anterior placenta which means that it is in the front, keeping me from feeling her very often. I look forward to feeling her all of the time.
These two things are annoying. But honestly, it is no biggie. As much as I don't like them I am just thankful to be pregnant. It is a gift that I cherish, even with my ugly misshapen belly.
For the skinny chicks reading this here is a fat girl anatomy lesson. There are 3 kinds of belly shapes we chubbies can have: D shape (rounded), B shaped (with an indent in the middle making it into the shape of, well, a B) and an apron belly (the worst of them all, it is a hanging belly, like that of wearing an apron). With Maddie I had a B belly. It sucked! But about this time in the pregnancy she had pushed all of my fat up and I could wear the right clothes and 'look' pregnant. My B essentially became more of a P then. I lamented the fact that I didn't have a cute bump back then. But my lovely blogger buddies assured me that I would round out and I did. At about 32 weeks.
With this being my second pregnancy I was excited to show sooner. And maybe have a nice, rounded out D. Because "they" say you show sooner. And "they" say that you get bigger the second time around. Well, what do "they" know? NOTHING!!! "They" know nothing at all. I started this pregnancy 15 pounds less than the previous one but with still a B belly but with an added, albeit small, apron belly (darn you, c-section!!). Little Olivia is hanging out very low. Maddie was higher. So I just look fat. Well, fatter. There is no fat being pushed up, no hint at rounding out. At all. I just can't suck my fat in anymore. And because of my B belly I can't wear fitted or ruched tops to help give me that rounded look. Do you know how hard it is to find winter tops that cover my belly but don't just look baggy and huge? Very hard!!! My regular clothes are too snug and I need maternity, but I am limited on what I can wear. Being fat sucks!!! I know, I know! I should have lost weight before I got pregnant again. I get it. And if it wasn't so freaking hard I would have. Actually, I did. I lost 15 pounds. It took months of hard work to do even that. Thank you Hashimoto's and hypothyroidism. I really appreciate that you hold onto my fat cells so tightly. Like BFFs.
And to add insult to injury I have an anterior placenta which means that it is in the front, keeping me from feeling her very often. I look forward to feeling her all of the time.
These two things are annoying. But honestly, it is no biggie. As much as I don't like them I am just thankful to be pregnant. It is a gift that I cherish, even with my ugly misshapen belly.
Friday, November 8, 2013
We are having a.................
GIRL!!!!!! We found out yesterday that all of the genetic screening came back negative and the baby is healthy. And that they baby is a girl. Maddie is excited to have a sister. Her name will be Olivia with the middle name either Reese or Nicole. We are leaning towards Reese though. Then it will be Madison Grace and Olivia Reese. I like the two together. We almost named Maddie Madison Olivia and then her initials would be MOM. I liked it since she finally made me a mom, but I loved both names so much that we decided to save Olivia just in case and now I am glad that we did.
Finding that we are having a girl was bittersweet. My sister has two girls and my brother has two girls and now I have two girls. We had all hoped for a boy this time, but it was not to be. We have two embryos remaining that we will use in the spring of 2015 and maybe then we will get our boy. Or twin girls. lol Either way we don't care. We are so thankful to hear that Livvy is healthy and that is all that matters.
Today we are preparing for a 10 hour trip to visit family in PA. It will be a long trip and I really hope that Maddie does well. And sleeps through most of it. It should be interesting traveling with a 3 year old. We haven't been back since February 2012 when we went for my MIL's memorial. It will be nice to go for a happier reason this time. Everyone is anxious to see Maddie again. Once we return home it will be a flurry of activity for the holidays. And in January we will start getting ready for baby Olivia. You would think that we have everything, but we don't. At all!! Maddie will be almost four when this baby is born. We sold her car seat and stroller and most of her clothes will be the wrong season. And now I think I want to sell the nursery furniture and go with white this time. So a lot to do!!!
Finding that we are having a girl was bittersweet. My sister has two girls and my brother has two girls and now I have two girls. We had all hoped for a boy this time, but it was not to be. We have two embryos remaining that we will use in the spring of 2015 and maybe then we will get our boy. Or twin girls. lol Either way we don't care. We are so thankful to hear that Livvy is healthy and that is all that matters.
Today we are preparing for a 10 hour trip to visit family in PA. It will be a long trip and I really hope that Maddie does well. And sleeps through most of it. It should be interesting traveling with a 3 year old. We haven't been back since February 2012 when we went for my MIL's memorial. It will be nice to go for a happier reason this time. Everyone is anxious to see Maddie again. Once we return home it will be a flurry of activity for the holidays. And in January we will start getting ready for baby Olivia. You would think that we have everything, but we don't. At all!! Maddie will be almost four when this baby is born. We sold her car seat and stroller and most of her clothes will be the wrong season. And now I think I want to sell the nursery furniture and go with white this time. So a lot to do!!!
Friday, November 1, 2013
First trimester screening
On Monday I had my monthly appointment with my OB. All went well. I mentioned last week that my friend's sister was just hired there and I was not sure how that would work out. Thankfully it went well and my OB was totally cool about her not being part of my care. While there I even got a peak at the little one and he/she was very active.
Then yesterday I had my first trimester screening. I was not planning on declining any genetic testing as it is not accurate enough for me. However they offered the newer MaterniT21test and it is 99% accurate. It is also one that those that use donor eggs or donor embryos can do. Not all tests will work if you use a donor. I didn't know this before so for those of you considering genetic testing this might be helpful info. The results come back within 1-2 weeks. As a bonus we will know gender as well. I am super excited about this as we had a very hard time determining the gender with Maddie. She covered her lady bits every. single. time! This time we won't have to worry about it. :)
I really struggles with whether to to do the testing or not, regardless of accuracy. We would never terminate so what would knowing do? Ultimately we decided that knowing would prepare us if there was something wrong. Also, we have very little info on the donors and the donor mom was 36 years old at the time of IVF, so the risks are a bit higher. Overall the risks are low so I am not worried.
I am feeling great and am very glad to be in my second trimester. I am not showing yet but my chub is getting firmer. I am really hoping that I round out this time instead of my blubbery B belly. Last time I was pregnant during spring and summer and all of my clothes are short sleeved and light weight. I am going to have to get some warmer clothes soon. I wish that plus size maternity was easier to find. Big gals wanna look cute too!!!
Then yesterday I had my first trimester screening. I was not planning on declining any genetic testing as it is not accurate enough for me. However they offered the newer MaterniT21test and it is 99% accurate. It is also one that those that use donor eggs or donor embryos can do. Not all tests will work if you use a donor. I didn't know this before so for those of you considering genetic testing this might be helpful info. The results come back within 1-2 weeks. As a bonus we will know gender as well. I am super excited about this as we had a very hard time determining the gender with Maddie. She covered her lady bits every. single. time! This time we won't have to worry about it. :)
I really struggles with whether to to do the testing or not, regardless of accuracy. We would never terminate so what would knowing do? Ultimately we decided that knowing would prepare us if there was something wrong. Also, we have very little info on the donors and the donor mom was 36 years old at the time of IVF, so the risks are a bit higher. Overall the risks are low so I am not worried.
I am feeling great and am very glad to be in my second trimester. I am not showing yet but my chub is getting firmer. I am really hoping that I round out this time instead of my blubbery B belly. Last time I was pregnant during spring and summer and all of my clothes are short sleeved and light weight. I am going to have to get some warmer clothes soon. I wish that plus size maternity was easier to find. Big gals wanna look cute too!!!
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