cycle has been canceled

Just like, it is over. I went for my lining check and blood work yesterday. I called the clinic right away to let them know that both were done and to call me in the afternoon if they had not received the results. At noon the nurse called and she had not received anything yet. So I began making calls and trying to get things done and finally the most important one, the results of my lining, was faxed and the nurse said she thought it looked good but needed to let the RE see it. She called back 20 minutes later. My lining was too thick. I just couldn't believe it. I didn't even know that was possible and it looks like this really varies between RE's. Some do not care as long as it is at least 8 (I think that is right) and others want it no thocker than 12. Mine was 16 and my RE says it is too thick.

I had a fear of this cycle being cancelled due to the test results being delayed. Or because my consent forms had not been received yet (sent them priority mail days ago and they had still not been delivered). But not once did it occur to me that my body would not cooperate. I had such a great response last time that I assumed (foolish me) that it would be the same this time. And in a way it was, just too good of a response. Darn overachieving uterus.

So I took off all of the patches yesterday and should start a period in the next 3-4 days. Once that happens we can start over. I really hope that it does start soon as if it waits too long it will mean that I need to travel during Thanksgiving which would not be fun.

I am really surprised at how hard this has hit me. It has made me take a step back and try to get my head and heart in the right place. If this can throw me off so badly what will a BFN do to me? I even prayed that it be canceled if this was not the right time. Yet when that happened I was upset. And really it is not just the delay so much as it is the extra money. Each lining check is $265 and it feels like I am just throwing money away. But without it I would have spent money on traveling and even a FET that most likely would not work. SO in a way it was a good thing. It just hurts like a bad thing.

So off to eat away my sorrows. I am baking all day today to make myself feel better. :)

Priceless? I think not!

Yesterday my hubby and I were talking about the fees still due for the our upcoming cycle and this lead to how much we have spent to have a baby. Between the 4 IUIs with donor sperm, the 2 failed adoptions and 2 rounds of EA we are up to about $20K. Or an arm, a leg and half a kidney. Maddie is priceless but baby making is not! I recently reconnected with a coworker from about 15 years ago and found that they had fertility issues as well. They did IVF and then adopted spending $50k for it all. Does this strike anyone else as insane?!?! While I completely believe that doctors, nurses, embryologists and staff deserve to be paid and paid well. But $20k+ per couple? Just wrong. 

Now onto more important things: I leave for Florida next week! We got our consent forms and transfer of ownership forms notarized today and mailed out to the clinic. I have an appointment on Friday for my blood work and another one for my lining check. Later that day I should hear whether everything is a go or not and then I can decide whether to fly or drive. Hopefully fly, but we have to see how high the tickets are at that time. And then I have to start getting things in order. I need to pack a bag for Maddie and grocery shop for ready made foods for her to take to her grandma's house as well as for hubby to have here. I could let him cook for himself but then he might starve to death and die. So a-shopping I will go.

Once that is all done I will have to pack for myself. I need sunscreen, a couple of books, and flip flops for my trip to the beach. Yay me! This time next week I get a day to relax before my FET. It sounds like heaven to me!!!!

and the plot thickens.....

Why, oh why is nothing about baby making easy? I mean really, does it have to be so hard? Other couples, you know, those normal ones that procreate for free, get to have fun while making a baby. We infertiles have so many freaking hoops to jump through and none of it is ever easy. Or fun.

So today I received a call from the clinic nurse to discuss my transfer date. I thought that I would be instructed to schedule my lining check and told which day to be there. Well, that is not the case. I was told to have my lining check on the 19th and then I would be given the exact date if all looks good. It looks like it will be on the 25th, but need to be there a day early in case. BUT if the lining check or blood work shows that I am not ready then that date may change. So my options are to schedule a flight now and hope for the best. or wait until the 19th and pay at least $200 more. Or drive 14 hours alone.

I really think that I will be driving. If I schedule the flight on the 19th it will be a minimum of $500 plus I will need a rental car for 4 days. This is getting to be more than we want to spend. If I drive it will be $200 in gas and maybe a hotel room on the way there. I have someone to stay with on the return trip which is nice. But even if I have to get 2 hotel rooms it will still be a lot less expensive. And if I drive I can have the flexibility that I will need if the dates change at the last minute. Had I realized that a natural cycle would be so uncertain I would have requested a suppressed cycle and had a date set in stone. Or a better chance of it being set in stone. Being that I like to plan this is really stressing me out.

My prayer is that I will either fins a great deal on a ticket and can just fly. Or if I drive that I can find someone to go with me. I do have someone that would be great but she is helping with Maddie while I am gone. If hubby gets his compression stocking then he can go with me, but we don't know if that will be ready in time. Decisions, decision!!!

gettin nervous

Today is CD1. Gulp! That is right, it has begun. No more just talking about it, we are really doing this. In the next 15 days I have to book a flight, begin (and remember) meds, have an ultrasound and blood work, take an airplane out of state alone, rent a car, and get hopefully get knocked up. All of this will my normal crazy, hectic schedule. Ahhh!

Now that it is really happening I am nervous! The last time we did this I was just so excited and busy that I never had time to even think about it. I just did it. But this time it is different. In 25 days our lives will change forever. We will either have a BFN and remain a family of three or a BFP and become a family of 4....or even 5. E-ver-y-thing will change. Woah!

For better or for worse, this is it. Here we go!

24 day cycle??

For the most part I am a regular kinda gal. Well, aunt flo is anyway. She comes around ever 28-29 days like clockwork. I have had the rare 32 day cycles and even a 26-er in there, but never anything less. Until this month. I started spotting tonight so tomorrow will be CD1, just 24 days since my last cycle. This is just crazy! It throws off my whole groove.

So tomorrow (if I do indeed start) I will start Vivelle and then on Monday I will be calling the clinic to get my FET date. Woah! And that means purchasing my plane ticket. I won't need a hotel as there is a church in the area that has a place that I can stay while there. Hubby has a call into family that lives there (haven't seen in years though) to see about picking me up from the airport. If I can save on the rental car that would be great.

So much to do and so little time. I am also trying to raise a bit more money so that we don't have to dip into savings as much. I made $120 at our yard sale yesterday and we will have it again next Saturday and I hope to make about that much again. If not, hubby has two kidneys and only needs one, right??

you know you are infertility when......

I think that most of us have seen a version or two of these "You know you are infertile when..." kinds of posts, but this morning I read on that had some really good ones on it. It was over at Still Standing and is worth the read. Here were my favorite two:

--you are more worried about having a nice pedicure for in the stirrups than your butt hanging out--

--you look up every weird symptom and hope it comes up as a pregnancy symptom...hmmmmmmm, I have a lot of ear wax today, I must be pregnant!--

I had not read these before but I can relate to both! Seriously, my feet being pretty are much more important than my butt and all my lady bits being on display. LOL

So add yours! You know you are infertile when........

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