Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Just not feeling it this time

I am finally beginning my cycle. I am on CD3 and my lining scan is next Wednesday. If that goes well then we will choose my transfer date and I will book my flight, hotel and rental car. Yet in the midst of it all I am feeling so blase. Usually I anticipate starting my meds and begin looking at flights and planning what to pack. This time I keep forgetting my meds and have not even thought about travel arrangements. The canceled cycles and failed cycle are just too fresh still. My heart is guarded thinking that it won't happen this time either. Yet it just might happen. I hate feeling this way. I am sure that once I get the green light things will change but until then I will just continue as is.

I am still trying to raise the last $200. I am posting some things for sale today online. I have procrastinated on this as well for the same reasons. I am also someone that works better under pressure.

So here we go. Again. Maybe.


  1. I TOTALLY know what you're talking about. I have wondered if the nonchalant feeling about it all is your hearts way of protecting itself subconsciously. It's really hard to get your hopes up and then to think about it getting ripped away. I have a good feeling about this for you, and you have an army of cheerleaders that can help get excited for you!!!

  2. I have been feeling that same way this time. You are not alone and we are all cheering for you!!

  3. I feel the same going into round 3. I think it is totally normal to not feel as excited as we did the first time. But make sure that you still have some room for hope, or get yourself to that space before you proceed!

  4. Completely get it! We actually just went through another transfer and found I'm not pregnant this week:( I felt the same way this whole cycle, just somewhat detached. I think as you said it was a way of protecting my heart after the chemical pregnancy last time but it still hurt a lot when I saw the negative this time. Decided not to blog about it this time due to not wanting so many in real life people to know that read my blog.

    Sending thoughts your way and holding hope that this is the cycle for you!!

  5. So sorry Rebecca!!
    Jess- I know the feeling too well. It's hard to get excited and feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment. But I'm praying that this is the one for you!!!! God knows which children will live on this earth, and I'm hoping that this transfer brings Maddie a sibling!

  6. After so many disappointments, I always feel like it's safer to not feel hopeful or excited. You guard your heart because it hurts so much when things don't work.

    Praying for you, my dear sister.


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