to test, or not to test....

Who am I kidding, I will test. I can't help it. Just the thoughts of it of waiting until Friday and hearing bad news from a nurse would just kill me. I would much rather be prepared if it is negative. And Maddie's birthday party is Saturday and we have company coming over to stay. I need to be past this and able to focus on her. Now this does not mean that I am not hoping for BFP,  I am, but I also know that life doesn't always work out the way we hope.

One minute I am so sure that it worked this time. So many things are similar to when I was pregnant with Maddie. I have had a day of extreme crabbiness. I was at the grocery and I wanted to run a woman over with my grocery cart. As soon as the thought crossed my mind I laughed because I thought the exact same thing before. Also, I have noticed that I am stuffy (same as with Maddie) and sweet foods taste super sweet too (again, same as before). Some of this can be explained by PIO and others from a cold. Or it could be pregnancy. Who knows. But it makes me think positively. I even woke up from a dream of getting a BFP only to fall back asleep and dream again. And again. I did this 3-4 times.

Then I have moments of knowing that this going to be negative. I begin planning our next cycle, worrying about how we will pay for it. I do try to avoid dwelling on these thoughts, but it is tough.

I tested this morning and it was a BFN. Today is 5dp5dt, but my transfer was in the afternoon, so it is not quite 5 days yet. More like 4 1/2 which is very, very early. And the test was a generic store brand that I can't find how sensitive it is either. Today I will buy some FRER and will test again tomorrow.

For now I am going to go nap. Oh, wait, I can't. It is 7:30 am and even though I slept over 7 hours I am exhausted!!! Maybe the PIO? Or maybe pregnancy??? Hmmmmm.....only time will tell.