So yesterday I had an appointment to learn how to give myself injections. It didn't take very long and looks quite simple. I am sure that feeling will change as I try to actually stick myself for the first time. The nurse told me that I can stick myself anywhere on the belly that I can pinch an inch (as long as it isn't too near the belly button). I told her that I was prepared and had been planning on this for years, hence the chubby belly! I am made for belly shots!!! She gave me a fake belly to practice with and I did fine. Hopefully the real ones are just as painless.
My 7 year old nice stayed the night Thursday night and knew that I had an appointment. She wanted to go with me but I informed her that I was learning how to give myself shots and she could not go. She is aware of the reason for the shots and is quite hopeful that they work and we have a baby. Anyway, I teasingly told her that I was going to practise on her when I got done and her response was: "But Jessie! I am only seven. I am too young to have babies." I cracked up!!! The birds and the bees talk is now complete for her! LOL
I will be ordering all of my meds on Monday. The nurse gave me the name of another pharmacy that might be cheaper. Their brochure claims that there is a pharmacist available 24/7 to answer your calls but someone obviously needs to inform that that 24/7 means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I have been trying to call since yesterday and no answer. I will try again Monday. So that about sums up where we are at right now. Lupron injection start on 11/11 and the real fun begins!!!!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
"Don't Obsess"
Don't you love it when a fertile person gives you advice? Usually it is to tell you to relax or to pray about it. Both proven methods, I am sure. But I really love when a fertile tells an infertile to quit obsessing about having a baby. I realize that there are women out there that truly do obsess about babies. But these are not the norm. Just like Octomom is not the norm. The average infertile is not obsessive, but focused. And what choice do we have? If you had cancer would you just relax and let it happen? Or would you fight it aggressively? If you let cancer grow without a fight you will one day run out of time. Fertility is much the same way. We are given this window of opportunity in which to conceive and once its over, its over.
We don't start out "obsessed", really we don't. Here is a breakdown of how it goes:
First few months: Hey, lets make a baby. So you have sex.
Months 3-6: pay closer attention to your cycle and have sex near your fertile time.
Months 7-9: begin to take your temp at the same time every day and schedule sex.
Months 10-12: pee on an ovulation test every morning for a week, schedule sex accordingly. Make sure not to flirt with hubby on Thursday because you can't have sex until Friday. Gotta save those spermies! And make sure hubby does not plan to go out with his buddies on Friday night in case you need him home. Hubby no longer wear briefs, but boxers. You both take vitamins and cut out caffeine. You try any and all advice people give you, even if it means standing on your head after sex.
After the first year: you begin searching online and read the word "infertility" which strikes fear in your heart. You are sure that is not you so you keep searching. The truth hits you like a ton of bricks and you call your doctor, still sure that you are not infertile.
Your doctor runs tests and assures you that you are still young and that whatever it is he is sure that he can fix it. Tests come back with a few issues and he prescribes some magic pills and you return to charting your cycle and timing sex. By this time you are beginning to feel a bit like a circus monkey, performing on command.
Another year passes..........
You are now beginning to get worried. You have been trying for 3 years. All of your friends are parents now, some even pregnant a second time. You are in your mid to late twenties. Still young, but you can see 30 on the horizon. Everyone knows that once you hit your 30's your egg timer starts ticking. Fertility does not get better with age. But you are not going to panic. You are going to see a fertility specialist. This will fix everything.
Your RE (fertility specialist) runs more tests. And now even a surgery or two. You discover that your problems are worse than you had originally thought. Now you are on more pills. You have to schedule ultrasounds. You have to reschedule that mini vacation now because of your ultrasound and later your IUI.
Years 5-6: IUI does not work. Now onto IVF. You have to take time off of work to go to your appointments. You are running out of sick days at work so you have to cancel your vacation this year and use your vacation days for your many appointments to the RE. But that's okay since you can no longer really afford that vacation now that you are paying upwards to $10,000 to do this procedure. You have to plan your days now. Injections at 7 am, pills at 9am, pills again at 2 pm and pills before bed. No caffeine, get enough rest, relax. But don't forget your pills. Or your appointments. Or the injections. One screw up could mess up the whole cycle.
Repeat.
Your whole life does begin to center around infertility. But is there any other way? Is this considered obsessive? To some it might, but really it isn't. There will come a time when you need to step back and take a break, maybe even quit altogether. But until then your life becomes a series of charts, pills, appointments and timed sex. This was not what you dreamed of as a young bride, but it is the life that you have been given. You make the best of it and hopefully at the end you are surrounded by your babies and it will all worth it.
We don't start out "obsessed", really we don't. Here is a breakdown of how it goes:
First few months: Hey, lets make a baby. So you have sex.
Months 3-6: pay closer attention to your cycle and have sex near your fertile time.
Months 7-9: begin to take your temp at the same time every day and schedule sex.
Months 10-12: pee on an ovulation test every morning for a week, schedule sex accordingly. Make sure not to flirt with hubby on Thursday because you can't have sex until Friday. Gotta save those spermies! And make sure hubby does not plan to go out with his buddies on Friday night in case you need him home. Hubby no longer wear briefs, but boxers. You both take vitamins and cut out caffeine. You try any and all advice people give you, even if it means standing on your head after sex.
After the first year: you begin searching online and read the word "infertility" which strikes fear in your heart. You are sure that is not you so you keep searching. The truth hits you like a ton of bricks and you call your doctor, still sure that you are not infertile.
Your doctor runs tests and assures you that you are still young and that whatever it is he is sure that he can fix it. Tests come back with a few issues and he prescribes some magic pills and you return to charting your cycle and timing sex. By this time you are beginning to feel a bit like a circus monkey, performing on command.
Another year passes..........
You are now beginning to get worried. You have been trying for 3 years. All of your friends are parents now, some even pregnant a second time. You are in your mid to late twenties. Still young, but you can see 30 on the horizon. Everyone knows that once you hit your 30's your egg timer starts ticking. Fertility does not get better with age. But you are not going to panic. You are going to see a fertility specialist. This will fix everything.
Your RE (fertility specialist) runs more tests. And now even a surgery or two. You discover that your problems are worse than you had originally thought. Now you are on more pills. You have to schedule ultrasounds. You have to reschedule that mini vacation now because of your ultrasound and later your IUI.
Years 5-6: IUI does not work. Now onto IVF. You have to take time off of work to go to your appointments. You are running out of sick days at work so you have to cancel your vacation this year and use your vacation days for your many appointments to the RE. But that's okay since you can no longer really afford that vacation now that you are paying upwards to $10,000 to do this procedure. You have to plan your days now. Injections at 7 am, pills at 9am, pills again at 2 pm and pills before bed. No caffeine, get enough rest, relax. But don't forget your pills. Or your appointments. Or the injections. One screw up could mess up the whole cycle.
Repeat.
Your whole life does begin to center around infertility. But is there any other way? Is this considered obsessive? To some it might, but really it isn't. There will come a time when you need to step back and take a break, maybe even quit altogether. But until then your life becomes a series of charts, pills, appointments and timed sex. This was not what you dreamed of as a young bride, but it is the life that you have been given. You make the best of it and hopefully at the end you are surrounded by your babies and it will all worth it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Faith, Hope and Reality
Eleven years ago my husband and I said "I do". Three months later we chucked the birth control pills, ready to add a little one to our happy home. We had faith that we would conceive soon thereafter. Just as 1+1=2 we assumed that man+woman=baby. Our assumption was wrong and our faith was tested. A few years later we had hope. We hoped that we would conceive or that we would adopt. We held onto that hope for a few years. Then reality set it. The reality of it all was that life was not always easy, nor was it fair. Why would a happy couple with a strong marriage not be able to have a child? Why would we have our dream within our grasp only to have it ripped away? None of this made any sense to us. It still doesn't. But it is our reality and we must accept it.
In the reality phase it is difficult to have hope or faith. Occasionally you dream that it might happen, or you are late one month and have a glimmer of hope, but this is rare. You try to put it out of your mind and focus on other things, anything that is not baby related. Now that we are preparing for our first FET with donor embryos I am trying to find where I am at. I want to have faith, but it is difficult to trust that this will end in a baby. The reality is that for many couples there is no positive pregnancy test or happy announcement. But I want to hope that we will be the exception, that we will be able to share our "good news" with family and friends this Christmas. I have faith that His will will be done, but reality is that His will may not be my will. I pray that my will lines up with His, but still hope that His will is for us to have a baby.
I am trying to put my faith into action. This past weekend I found some great deals on baby items and I actually purchased a few things. Very few. I have also begun to look at nursery decor and diaper bags (Timi & Leslie have adorable bags!!). I have begun a virtual hope chest just in case we get pregnant. But I won't make any big purchases until we see 2 pink lines because realistically we may not use them. I am finding that the lines between faith, hope and reality are blurring and I am not sure where I am at exactly. So I am going to hold onto all three and hope that my faith will make a baby a reality.
In the reality phase it is difficult to have hope or faith. Occasionally you dream that it might happen, or you are late one month and have a glimmer of hope, but this is rare. You try to put it out of your mind and focus on other things, anything that is not baby related. Now that we are preparing for our first FET with donor embryos I am trying to find where I am at. I want to have faith, but it is difficult to trust that this will end in a baby. The reality is that for many couples there is no positive pregnancy test or happy announcement. But I want to hope that we will be the exception, that we will be able to share our "good news" with family and friends this Christmas. I have faith that His will will be done, but reality is that His will may not be my will. I pray that my will lines up with His, but still hope that His will is for us to have a baby.
I am trying to put my faith into action. This past weekend I found some great deals on baby items and I actually purchased a few things. Very few. I have also begun to look at nursery decor and diaper bags (Timi & Leslie have adorable bags!!). I have begun a virtual hope chest just in case we get pregnant. But I won't make any big purchases until we see 2 pink lines because realistically we may not use them. I am finding that the lines between faith, hope and reality are blurring and I am not sure where I am at exactly. So I am going to hold onto all three and hope that my faith will make a baby a reality.
Question about Estrace
For those of you that have been down the IVF/FET route you may be able to help me out. I hope! My insurance pays for nothing infertility related, but they are covering some of our meds because they are for sustaining a pregnancy, not infertility related. My RE requires that I use Estrace name brand only but my insurance is not going to cover it. I thought for sure that they would, just maybe at a higher co-pay. We are using IVP pharmacy and they are by far the least expensive for the Estrace ($235) but I would still like to see about insurance covering it.
So my question is, how do I get them to cover it? I don't know why they are covering the Vivelle patch and the prometrium but not the Estrace. Any thoughts, tips or ideas???
So my question is, how do I get them to cover it? I don't know why they are covering the Vivelle patch and the prometrium but not the Estrace. Any thoughts, tips or ideas???
Monday, October 26, 2009
HUGE, ginormous, amazing, wonderful blessing!!!
My sister and I have never been extremely close. Mainly because we have just chosen different paths in life. She is a little bit younger than me and has really had no interest in settling down and having the "American Dream", yet this year she got pg, engaged and bought a house. I worried about her being a mom as she has never really been around babies much at all. Through her pg and especially the birth of her daughter my sister and I have gotten much closer. I was there for the delivery of my niece and have been so thankful for the opportunity. My sister has surprised us all, including herself, and has taken to motherhood. She is an awesome mommy!!!
Over the weekend my sister got sick and I kept the baby for a few days. My sister ended up covered in hives and was terrified that it was something worse and she could not be around the baby. She hated being away from her!!! Today the doctor gave her the all clear and she came and picked up the baby. I was sad to see her go. Anyway, while she was here my sister told me that she really hoped that I got pg in December. She has never really shown much interest so this a pleasant surprise.
After she left I got a call from the pharmacy telling me that one of my prescriptions will not be covered my insurance (Estrace) and it will be $235, which is much more than I had planned. As I was searching for my insurance card to call and argue with them I got a call from my sister's fiance. He told us that they wanted to give us the rest of the money for the transfer, which is $3000. I could barely thank them, all I could was cry.
God has guided this embryo adoption/donation journey every step of the way. It is truly humbling to see how He is blessing us.
Over the weekend my sister got sick and I kept the baby for a few days. My sister ended up covered in hives and was terrified that it was something worse and she could not be around the baby. She hated being away from her!!! Today the doctor gave her the all clear and she came and picked up the baby. I was sad to see her go. Anyway, while she was here my sister told me that she really hoped that I got pg in December. She has never really shown much interest so this a pleasant surprise.
After she left I got a call from the pharmacy telling me that one of my prescriptions will not be covered my insurance (Estrace) and it will be $235, which is much more than I had planned. As I was searching for my insurance card to call and argue with them I got a call from my sister's fiance. He told us that they wanted to give us the rest of the money for the transfer, which is $3000. I could barely thank them, all I could was cry.
God has guided this embryo adoption/donation journey every step of the way. It is truly humbling to see how He is blessing us.
Dreading all of these pills
I had always assumed that if we ever did IVF or FET that I would dread the injections, but right now I think that I would prefer them over all of these pills! And I have not even started the majority of them yet. My morning consists of a Synthroid/BCP/antibiotic/2 folic acid cocktail. (The synthroid I already take and the antibiotic is for tonsillitis). Then at lunch I take 2 more folic acid and before bed is another antibiotic, 2 more folic acid and a prenatal the size of my pinkie toe! Today is my last day for the antibiotics which is really exciting!!! In three weeks I will be adding several more pills to the mix. I am starting to gag just thinking about it. Maybe I should crush them up and put them in mashed potatoes. Or, better yet, in some chocolate pudding!!! Now that sounds like a good plan! Think insurance would cover the pudding??
I keep looking over my list of meds and instead of fear I feel excitement. The injections are a little scary but I will not complain. And my RE allows progesterone in pill form and not the dreaded PIO shots! How awesome is that ?!?!?! It doesn't take much to excite me anymore.
Well, that's all for now. Gotta go take some more pills. bleh!
I keep looking over my list of meds and instead of fear I feel excitement. The injections are a little scary but I will not complain. And my RE allows progesterone in pill form and not the dreaded PIO shots! How awesome is that ?!?!?! It doesn't take much to excite me anymore.
Well, that's all for now. Gotta go take some more pills. bleh!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Great appointment today!
I had my protocol appointment today and everything is moving forward in an amazing way!! I return next Friday to learn how to do injections and begin lupron on 11/13. My transfer date is 12/11. I asked the nurse when people start to freak out and she said "right about now" and I did. Then she handed me a picture of the twins (that the donor couple had last year) and I just cried harder. They were beautiful! One had a head full of dark brown, almost black hair and big blue eyes. She was so pretty! The other one was bald, with big chubby cheeks and a mischievous glint in her eyes and a huge grin. Just adorable! As I looked at their precious faces it hit me that these two are my embryo's siblings. Talk about making it all so real to me. Only 7 weeks to go!!!!
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