Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

telling Maddie how she came to be

All kids will ask, "Where do babies come from?". It is a part of life and one that must be explained. For fertiles you have several age appropriate options. You can tell them that the come from mommy's tummy, the hospital, the stork. Take your pic. Even as they get older and you have "the talk" with them it is all pretty straightforward. But what about third party reproduction? How do you explain donor eggs, donor sperm, donor embryos or surrogacy to a child? To someone that doesn't understand the biology of it all? I will tell you, it is not easy. Though I do think that donor embryos will be easier than some of the others, it will still not be easy.

My Madison is going to be 3 years old this summer. She is maturing and talking so much and we have decided that we will talk about her origins now, even though she cannot begin to understand. She looks just like us so she will never question why her hair or eye color or skin color is different than ours. It isn't. She looks just like us. Probably more than a genetic child would have. It is really crazy!! And amazing! So for us we either have to sit down and tell her one day or always make it a part of her life. We will make it "the norm" and start telling her now.

This morning Maddie and I went out to tend to our little patio garden. We have some tomato plants and they have the first tiny, little green tomatoes growing on them. Maddie loves to give them a drink of water, talk to them and kiss them good bye. This morning she mentioned that the pepper plants didn't have any tomato babies and she wanted to share them from the other plant. How perfect of an opportunity to start telling her story!!! So we found one that my niece had picked off and put it over with the pepper plant. I then told her that a nice family shared her with us and we put her in my tummy to grow. Her response? "No. Mommy and daddy make me." I will say that this kind of shocked me!! She has no idea about babies as she isn't not around pregnant women or ask about babies. It was funny that she was so determined that we made her. LOL My stubborn little girl is going to argue this one, I can see. But I have laid the groundwork and will continue to do so. Hopefully she will be more accepting as time goes on.

12 comments:

  1. Wow - What a great illustration the tomato plant provided but a smart little girl who wanted to argue her own story! Ha! :)

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  2. Sweet story. I wrote a post about this same topic just last night to post today. I love her stubbornness.

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  3. Wow, what a perfect opportunity to begin telling her her story! And what an important moment in your family, one I'm sure you will never forget.

    I often wonder how we are going to explain sperm donor to our baby (if I get pregnant). I have been trying to come up with stories surrounding seeds and water. Funny how gardening can come to play in explaining these things to children. Even the term "birds and bees" is connected to nature.

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  4. So cute! I can't wait until our daughter is born so we can find our own ways of explaining it to her :)

    Love the garden idea though! I just may use it :)

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  5. Thanks for sharing. I love to hear what others have/are using for future reference!

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  6. Adorable! That cracks me up that she argued! I wonder where she got her information from? But my heart just burst with joy reading about the garden analogy. I just love it. :)

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  7. Smart to start early. We started telling out kids they were adopted from the day they came home at 9 months. They will never remember being sat down and being told they were adopted because they have always known. The more you talk about it now the more normal and easy it will be easier. plus you have lots of times to tell her to get it just right. : )

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  8. I should add that I think the tomato illustration is awesome! I didn't mean to imply that it wasn't right in my comment! I just meant the more times you tell her the better she will understand. :)

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  9. Hello,

    I am a mother through embryo DONATION. I read some of your blog posts about your journey and sharing her story with your daughter. I strongly urge you to rethink your blog name and your use of the word adoption. Our children were NOT adopted. Adoption is an equally amazing blessing but it is a different story...those children had a birth mother and may or may not have known their birth parents. Those children have the potential for future abandonment issues. If you think that your daughter looking like you is a coincidence I'll be happy to share photos of my twins and me. My daughter is like my clone. I have an open donation and even the donor family say it is uncanny. Epigenetics baby. We GREW our babies from tiny baby seeds. Everything they are made of came from our bodies and our bodies influenced how those babies grew at a genetic level. Those seeds were a gift. They were NOT adopted. Calling it adoption is just going to confuse your daughter later in life.

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    1. That is very sweet, but it is not scientifically accurate. Although I too am growing twins in my womb that I adopted from another couple, they will never carry my DNA. The cells I am contributing to their growth will shed in only a matter of weeks once they are out of the womb and will be replaced with their own cells which are designed by their special set of DNA. Not my DNA, but still my adopted little boys :)

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  10. Hello,

    I am a mother through embryo DONATION. I read some of your blog posts about your journey and sharing her story with your daughter. I strongly urge you to rethink your blog name and your use of the word adoption. Our children were NOT adopted. Adoption is an equally amazing blessing but it is a different story...those children had a birth mother and may or may not have known their birth parents. Those children have the potential for future abandonment issues. If you think that your daughter looking like you is a coincidence I'll be happy to share photos of my twins and me. My daughter is like my clone. I have an open donation and even the donor family say it is uncanny. Epigenetics baby. We GREW our babies from tiny baby seeds. Everything they are made of came from our bodies and our bodies influenced how those babies grew at a genetic level. Those seeds were a gift. They were NOT adopted. Calling it adoption is just going to confuse your daughter later in life.

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