Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

scarred by infertility

Today was a good day, yet the scars of infertility were present. Some physically, others emotionally. My incision has yet to heal completely. Today it began to bleed a bit. I am on antibiotics and it is getting better, just not finished healing. As I was cleaning it today I noticed all of the scars around it. I have had 3 laps and all have left a mark. Its a good thing my body is not bikini friendly or I would be really upset about these scars. ;)

Today I finished going through baby clothes. I allowed myself to keep one box of items. The rest I will give away or sell. It was so hard saying goodbye to them. Each article of clothing had a memory. Her first Christmas. Birthday outfits. Those worn in professional photos. So many memories!!! I kept those that I want her to have one day and those that I still love in case we have another baby girl next year. I am glad to have this job finished. It was a bit traumatic.

One other thing today that I experienced. I was shaving my legs and Maddie asked to do it too. Typically a mother would say "No, shaving is for mommies.". But I can't say those words. I shaved before I was a mommy. What if I say this to her and she sees someone shaving that is infertile and says something like "Why are you shaving? You're not a mommy.". I know, I am reaching here and most likely this would never happen. But what if it did? I do the same thing when telling her why she can't wear make-up or why she can't cook or drive. Or whatever else she wants to do way before her time. I was hurt by the innocent words of children and the thoughts that my child could accidentally hurt a woman already suffering just pains be. It is crazy how infertility shapes and scars us.

Now on a lighter note, here is a funny from Maddie. This morning she put on a pair of my high heeled shoes and said: "Mommy! Dreams do come true!!". I heart that kid!!!!

1 comment:

  1. I just read your post. It takes tears in my eyes. Most of the women have to face lot of troubles when they conceive a child. If you go through a research you will find that most of the married women have been experiencing lot of problems in their married life due to this. They have to face the disappointment for many numbers of months as they are not able to conceive the child. If someone has
    recommended you to make a visit to fertility clinic then you should definitely consider that option.
    Surrogacy in India


I love comments! They make me feel important.