Not much to report

My computer died a few weeks ago. How in the world I killed a Mac I will never know! But I did. And that is why I haven't posted much or responded to other's blogs lately either. 

All is going well on the pregnancy front. I am 8 weeks today. I went to Urgent Care last night with a lot of lower back pain. It came on suddenly but since I had no bleeding I was fairly certain that it was a UTI. Is was and a pretty bad one too. But it's all good now. 

I have another ultrasound on Monday as well as my first OB appointment. I am feeling very well just tired. No morning sickness or anything. Just very, very tired most days. 

We told Maddie about the baby. She is pretty much disinterested right now. Though today she put a doll under her shirt and wanted everyone to see her baby kicking. Lol 

I hope that everyone else is doing well. I will try to read everyone's blogs over the weekend and try to catch up.

We have a heartbeat!

Yesterday was my first ultrasound and there was one perfect little heartbeat! Everything looks great though I do have a cyst that needs to be monitored. The 30th is another ultrasound and my first OB appointment. It's starting to sink in that we are having a baby!!

hate feeling great

Did you see what I did there? My attempt at poetry. Okay, so I rhymed. But I feel talented and quite witty, so please just humor me.

I am now 5 weeks pregnant. And I feel fantastic. Normally this would be great news, but to an infertile it is scary as heck. I guess even first time moms or those that have experienced a loss may feel the same way. When you are finally pregnant you want something, anything to reassure you. Morning sickness is a great sign. Peeing every five minutes another. Even heartburn and sore boobs make you smile. But I got nothin'. I am little bit tired and my boobs feel like right before AF but that is it. I do have a stuffy nose which is a telltale sign for me, but it is also indicative of a cold. With my last pregnancy I felt fantastic too so I shouldn't be worried, but I can't help it. I will be happy to feel great once I see this little bean's heartbeat in a week and a half.

Now watch me start vomiting every morning and have horrible heartburn. Just know if I do I will return with another witty title to announce my complaining. ;)

This time is so different

In 2009 I got pregnant with my daughter, Maddie. It was my first ever BFP. Ever. It took 11 years to finally see those 2 lines and it was amazing! I remember shaking while holding the test. That positive test was a culmination of 11 years of tests, treatments and failures. I honestly never thought that it would happen. When it finally did I was so naive and thought that God wouldn't allow us to get that far and take it away. And He didn't. Not that I was exempt, I was just very fortunate that His will included us having Maddie.

Fast forward to 2012. We began getting ready for baby number two. It took us about a year to find embryos but once we did, God would give us a baby, right? Then my cycle was canceled. Whoa! How did that happen? It wasn't supposed to be that way. Then I was to start my period in 4-5 days so that we could try again before the holidays. After 43 days she finally showed and it was too late, we had to wait until January. And then after the trip from hell, it was negative. What the crap??? I had begged God not to allow me to go if it wasn't going to work. Why had we wasted the money for nothing?

Between that cycle and now I watched several others have canceled cycles, negative, chemicals and miscarriages. It just seemed so unfair. These women deserved a chance at being a mom. I deserve the chance for another. Why did it have to be so hard? Between my issues and watching all of the struggles from others I feel like Eve in the Garden after she the fruit. No longer innocent. I know it sounds odd to say that even after 14+ years of infertility that I had even a shred of innocence left, but I did. Somehow I thought that after all we (and others) had been through that we would finally get our miracles. But that is not always to be.

So while I am insanely happy for the little one that I am carrying right now, I am struggling to remain optimistic. I pray daily for his/her safety and that God will allow us to bring this baby home. But I 'know' the truth, that anything can happen. Regardless of what may or may not happen we are determined to enjoy every minute that we have with this little one. I just wish that I had some of that innocence back so that I could be blissfully unaware of the dangers.

And the second beta is.......

Perfect! It was 55 on Friday and 193 today. My first u/s is the week of the 17th. I was so relieved to get the call today. From Saturday to Saturday I was a crazy, psycho lunatic. I was tired and my boobs hurt and I was hungry all the time. Then Sunday I woke up feeling completely normal. And yesterday too. I ran out to buy more pregnancy tests (I know! I know! Its an addiction!) and it was positive even before the urine hit the test line. It made me feel better but not as much as the beta did.

Thank you all for your pryers and support. Praying for everyone getting ready for their transfers here soon. I look forward to having several pregnancy buddies! :)

Those that are getting ready for transfers....

How are you doing? Liz? Baby on Mind? Shannon? Kim? Did I miss anyone? If you have a minute check in and let us know how you are doing and how we can be praying for you. And if you are fundraising please post a link to any fundraising sites or sales that you have going on so that we can get the word out. I hope that all is going well. Just a few weeks now for all of you!!!! So exciting!!!

PIO is of the devil!

I have taken PIO before but it was during weeks 8-11 of pregnancy. I was allergic to the sesame oil so I had to stop. I never felt any different on it so I was fine with trying it for this last transfer. Last Saturday (2dp5dt and 8 days after beginning PIO) I morphed into this evil, hideous creature. It. is. AWFUL! I am rude. I am short tempered. I would not be surprised if my head spun 360 degrees and pea soup spew from my mouth, I am that bad. I annoy myself. Imagine how everyone else around me feels?!?!? And then comes the evening and I am this sweet, docile person. Okay, maybe not sweet, but at least no longer the spawn of Satan.

I don't know if the PIO contains mini minions from Satan's army or if the hormones from pregnancy are causing this. I was like this with Maddie, and without PIO, but not to this horrific degree. I am also going to start monitoring my BP to see if that is playing a part. But with BP I don't know if it is a 'chicken or the egg' situation. Is my BP causing me to go all Hyde, or is my BP rising from the intense mood swing itself?

Hopefully this week I can get some answers. Before I get myself arrested. It could happen.