the day I was diagnosed

Today I read a blog post from Liz over at Wishing on a Snowflake (great post btw! you should read it) and she asked:

I'd like to hear stories about how you were handed your diagnosis, whatever it might be, if you're willing to share. Was it in person? Over the phone? Obviously no one ever wants to get an IF diagnosis, but were you at least okay with how it was approached?

I decided to post my story here. For me it has been over 14 years ago for part of our diagnosis and then 8 years ago for the rest so it is a bit hazy now. It just feels like I have been infertile forever.

In 1999, after we had been married about a year, I made an appointment with an ob/gyn. We had been trying for about 8 months at that point but I had had severe menstrual cramps since I was 16 and had always worried about having endometriosis. The dr was quick to schedule a lap and while in there he said that I was fine (I struggle with this as the pain continued to increase and later I was diagnosed with stage 3 endo, but I can't change this part). While I was in recovery he had hubby give a sample and a few days later we got a call saying that his counts were low and we needed to see a urologist. His next sample was better but still super low. It was 250,000 the first time and 2.5 million the next. And his morphology and motility were low. While waiting for the appointment with the urologist I had done some research so I knew that things were not good with counts this low. The urologist pretty much dismissed us. He told hubby to lose weight and have a great day.

At that time we decided to skip all fertility treatment and move onto adoption. We stayed there until 2005 and after 2 failed adoptions we were finished. My heart just couldn't take anymore. We now had insurance coverage for diagnostic testing and I went into high gear wanting answers. I had been having an abdominal pain for over a year and thought it might be something fertility related so my new ob/gyn ordered an u/s to look for cysts. There was one but it was not too bad so we tried bcp's for a month. The pain remained so he scheduled a lap. Having had one I was not worried, thinking that this was would be no big deal. Just go in, remove the cyst, and continue towards IUI or something. But that was not the case. I remember hubby telling me that they couldn't get it all and that it was bad. Bad? What was bad? Did I have cancer? He really didn't understand infertility or endo, but he was sure that it wasn't cancer and I now had to wait for my follow up for answers. The gyn had told me but I was too out of it to remember. During my f/u I learned that my endo was severe and I would need a full in patient surgery. And my right tube was blocked as well.

We scheduled the next surgery and then had further testing for hubby to see if his count was still low.

I remember that call like it was yesterday. My gyn knew that we were dealing with severe MFI and I really don't think that these results would be a shock to us, but they were. His nurse called is to say that there was nothing. No sperm present at all. Not even dead one. None. None?? How is that possible??? And how was I going to tell him? We both were in shock and it wasn't over yet.

My surgery was 3 months later and I lost part of my right ovary that day as well. And my left ovary was adhered to my colon and unable to be removed. It had a cyst encasing it which they did remove, but there was only so much they could do. So we have no sperm, one tube, one functioning ovary, part of another ovary and endo. Fabulous! How do you have a baby like this?

From here we moved to our first RE that told us that IUI with donor sperm was an option. Four other RE's agree that my chances were slightly above nil for it to have worked. We wasted $5000. Our only option was IVF with donor sperm and maybe donor eggs. The REs were afraid that my now 3 surgeries (I am up to 5 now, but 3 at that time) had damaged my ovaries and my quality may not be very good any more and to consider donor eggs. All I kept hearing was cha-ching. More and more money. Around $30k. There was no. freaking. way!

We had resolved ourselves to never having a child when we learned about EA. I cannot tell you how I felt that day. It felt like Christmas and birthdays all rolled into one. We were given hope back. And that hope is sleeping next to me right now laying her feet on me and starting to stir. EA gave me back everything my body had taken from me. And I am forever grateful!

So now it is your turn: I'd like to hear stories about how you were handed your diagnosis, whatever it might be, if you're willing to share. Was it in person? Over the phone? Obviously no one ever wants to get an IF diagnosis, but were you at least okay with how it was approached?