Infertility is hell. Fertility is heaven. That would make secondary infertility purgatory. Here you have seen both the good and the bad, yet you are neither fertile or infertile. You have the joys of one and the pain of the other. Today I feel that sense of limbo more than usual. My brother's girlfriend had their baby on Sunday. Today my sister announced that she is pregnant with baby number two. I am happy for both, yet sad for myself. And feeling guilt for being sad. I have a baby so I should be fine, right? At least I thought it would be that way, but it is not the case. I long for the ease in which they conceive. I ache to feel a baby move inside of me again. And I am terrified that I will not get that opportunity again. But oh so grateful that I got at least once chance. Such a dichotomy.
Today I wish that there was a way out of this purgatory, though thankful that I am not in infertility hell either. Another person "passing" me and having babies. Someone younger. Wow! This is one craptastic mood!!! LOL I will try to be in a better mood next time. =)