Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Dug.gars.....adopting?

In a recent article by PEOPLE there was an interview with the Duggars where they said that they were praying about considering adopting a child. The article was not in depth and no additional questions were asked so I am unable to form an opinion on the matter. They say that they have so much love to give and they want to share it. If they are considering adopting internationally or harder to place children then my opinion will be very positive. It is wonderful when people open their homes to children that need a place to call home and a forever family. Especially sibling groups, older kids and those with special needs. However, if they are considering the infant domestic adoption route my opinion will be quite the opposite.

I am fairly neutral where the Dug.gars are concerned. I respect that they are able to care for so many children without government assistance. And if they want 19+ kids, more power to them. Though I admit that I am a bit jealous of their baby making abilities. I ain't gonna lie about that.  With that said, even if I was super fertile woman, I would still not want to have that many children. But I have nothing against them doing so. But when it comes to them getting on a waiting list for a healthy newborn I do have something against that. There is a bit of a misconception in this country that there are so many babies waiting to be adopted. The truth is that there are not many at all. There are many, many more waiting families than babies. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with big families. If a couple that needed to adopt (health reasons, infertility, genetic issues, etc) wanted to adopt 5 or even 10 healthy newborns, go for it. But if you have been able to have 19 children then maybe you need to consider sharing that love with children no one else is lining up and waiting for. I know that there are some that may disagree with me, and that is fine. I don't claim to have all of the answers and I would love to hear a contradictory opinion (if said respectfully, that is).

So what say you? Agree? Disagree?


  1. Honestly, I would be kind of surprised if they were approved to adopt, at least from foster care. I don't know what laws are like in other states, but in my state, the rules about sleeping arrangements alone would disqualify them unless they completely changed the way their girls/boys bedroom system is set up. At the very least, the adult "kids" would have to sleep elsewhere. (I should mention I haven't watched much past the first two seasons, so perhaps things have changed already.)

    I also think it would be hard for an older child to adjust to their lifestyle as it is so different from mainstream society today.

    I just have a hard time seeing them get approved to adopt despite the fact that the seem to be very kind and loving parents.

    On the whole I have generally positive things to say about the Duggars, but I kind of wonder if maybe they should focus on loving and raising the kids God has already given them instead of adding more kids to their family right now.

  2. I agree with the above comment. I find it very hard to believe they would be approved to adopt. I know with the program I am looking into internationally, there are rules as to how many kids are allowed to be in the household.

    Aside from that though, I agree with you. Being a prospective adoptive parent, I know how hard it is to be placed with a newborn. It would make me sad to know that while a first-time parent is waiting for their placement, the Duggars would be getting their 20th child.

  3. I believe they were referring to international adoption. They were visiting an orphanage in China when Michelle made that statement. I understand your feelings about US infant adoption...but I don't think that's what they were talking about. :)

  4. The Duggars are incredible parents who fill their children with servants hearts and a love for the Lord. I trust they will pray about it (and have been already) and do what they feel God guides them to do. I don't think it is our place to judge people, especially when they raise such quality children.

  5. Malia, I am sorry if you feel that I am judging them for their choice. I am not, at all. I have never watched their show and have no opinion on them. If they have great children, that is fantastic. This is not about what kind of parents they are or whether they could provide a loving home for a child. It is more about them having 19 kids and the possibility of adopting a newborn (if that is indeed what they are considering) when there are hundreds and hundreds of families already on the waiting list. It may be unpopular but I think that newborns should be reserved for those that are unable to have children for whatever reason. There is a big difference between infant adoption and older or special needs or foster care adoptions. Huge! And if a couple has been able to conceive and give birth to 19 children then maybe allow someone that is unable to do so to have that chance to parent a newborn if they desire.

  6. I tend to agree with you and Diane. I haven't watched the show much (don't get TLC) but I do like what I know if them. I hope they do take in children who are truly are in need. (Though I also agree that they wouldn't qualify to foster adopt.). There are children in orphanages who would get food and love in the Duggar home.
    But I too would be rather frustrated if they adopted a newborn. Like you said, Jess, there is not a plethora of newborns needing a home. When we had our training 2 years ago, there were 19 waiting families for every newborn. The good news is that the placing family makes the final call. I can't see a birth parent choosing the Duggars over the other loving families available.
    And I also am jealous if their reproductive capabilities. If I had my choice, my family would have 5-6 children. Yet I can't seem to give life to #2......

  7. I didn't mean that you were judging, Jess. Sorry if it came across that way.

  8. I know that they would NOT be approved to adopt in China because that's where we adopted our son from last year and yes they do have a restriction on number of biological children in the home. I completely agree about the domestic adoption statement as well which is why we specifically decided to help a little child overseas that has no one 'waiting' for them. What a lot of people don't understand is that there are A LOT of ways to help with orphans even if you aren't approved to adopt (which I don't believe the Duggars will be no matter the path unless it be private). I am so thankful that they brought adoption to light and pray that more people find it in their heart to help the estimated 147 billion orphans worldwide.

  9. I live just about an hour away from the Duggars and have actually run into Michelle in a couple of places.

    I also have mixed feelings about their whole family situation but, as was stated above, it's not my place to judge the decisions they've made.

    I haven't heard or read anything else about their statement on adopting but I do like that they've brought adoption to light and pray that they use their position in public to promote it. I agree, they don't have to personally adopt to support orphans and fulfill the biblical command to care for them, so I hope they will continue to talk about it and use their influence in a positive way.

    And yes, they have done an incredible job raising some amazing children. We can learn a lot from their parenting skills and ideas, even if we don't agree with everything they believe.

  10. Hm, that is a very interesting point that you make! I adore (and am equally jealous) of Michelle Duggar. I guess my thought about them adopting a domestic infant is that adopting or parenthood is not about what we (as parents) get out of it. You mentioned that they should "spread the love" (or something to that effect), but my concern with that thinking (and I'm sure you didn't mean it literally) is that babies aren't here to give US love, we are there to support, guide, teach them. If we expect to feel loved unconditionally by a child, we will be disappointed.

    So if the Duggar's home is the best for that child then I think I wouldn be all for it! Does that make sense?

  11. I totally agree with you. And my thoughts go towards any fertile and capable family (meaning there are no health restrictions holding them back from having bio kids) no matter if they have children or not. US couples should not adopt a healthy domestic newborn with a "I'm saving this child" mentality. Of course public/foster care and international adoptions are a different story and I would love for them to provide a home for a child who otherwise wouldn't have one. They are amazing parents, but they won't be saving a domestic newborn from a life on the streets if they don't adopt them.


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