meeting my bio dad

I have never met my father. My mom was from a crazy abusive home and she wanted to escape and thought that getting pregnant and married would solve her problems. At 16 she did just that. I was born when my mom was 16 and my dad was 18. My mom grew up pretty quick once I cam along but my father did not. He was a selfish, spoiled child and it was the 70s and he fully embraced the era. He drank and did drugs and when high was not a nice man. My mom got tired of the drug houses they stayed in and not having anything to eat because he spent all of the money on booze so she left. He refused to give her anything, not even her clothes or my baby stuff, but she left anyway. It was difficult but with little more than the clothes on her back she took me and went back home. She saved up money for a year and moved out on her own. She later met my step dad and that is the man that I called dad until he passed away a few months ago.

My father never tried to have any contact with me through the years. It hurt a lot as a child but I have since forgiven him and moved on. I tried contacting him when I was a teen and once when I was about 26 years old. We spoke but it was not very warm and fuzzy. Then about 2 years ago her friended me on Facebook and I accepted but he never initiated any contact other than that. I finally messaged him some health questions right before Maddie was born and he responded but it was rather stilted and formal.

The other day I posted Maddie's Santa photo on FB and he commented and stated then that he wanted to meet me and Maddie and that he had been afraid to contact me until not. Well, I call BS on that one! He has had ample opportunity, all initiated by me, to talk to me but he chose not to. I was irritated that he did this on my public page and not a private message. My mom hates this man and here it is for all to see. I responded in a private message asking him "why now?". He claims that his health is not good and while he can't change the past he wants me to forgive him and give him a chance. I have decided to meet him, but I am honestly not looking for a dad. Maddie could use a grandpa but I don't need him as a dad. He had his chance and blew it. I do forgive him but I won't allow him to hurt me again. I have a lot of feeling and emotions over this whole situation but I won't post it now. I hate when people have uber long posts so I will refrain from doing so and will save it for another post.

Please pray for me as I meet him. I am nervous and a bit scared. I hate the unknown!